


Too Close {On Hiatus}

by QueenAmidalaa (Natasha24)



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Feels, Developing Relationship, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Heavy Rey/Kylo Ren, I Can't Believe I Wrote This, Not sure what type of thing or if this is a one time thing but here it is, Rey/Hux-Centric, Reyux, Still don't know what I'm doing, Well I did a thing, well kinda
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-02-17
Updated: 2016-11-08
Packaged: 2018-05-21 05:11:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 41,651
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6039547
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Natasha24/pseuds/QueenAmidalaa
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>{On Hiatus, Undergoing Major Reconstructing!}<br/>“Wait!” Panic shot through him. He desperately wanted to reach out and hold her but she was backing out of reach and he felt as though his feet were anchored to the floor.</p><p>She shook her head. “I’m done waiting. I wasted a year of my life waiting for you, waiting for The Resistance, waiting for my parents! All I do is wait!” Hux flinched. “I’m so sick of waiting for something good to happen. I thought you were my-I thought-” She looked at him with defeat in her eyes. “I guess not.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Lost

**Author's Note:**

> Little A/N: This story is unedited and a first draft so feel free to alert me of any mistakes. Thank you and I hope you all like it! <3  
> Edit (10/13/16): This was my first work in the Star Wars fandom, so there are little mistakes and inaccuracies that I can't fix, but I hope you still give this little story a chance! x

_“She will fall in love with him, and she will give birth to a child that we will groom into a powerful Sith. The Force has already decided.” Snoke bellowed. His semblance warped and twisted before Hux could reply. Another image appeared before his eyes._

 

_Rey stood in front of Kylo, a white dress both hanging and clutching her figure. Her brown hair was longer there and fell down her back in highlighted curls. The caramelized brown strands brought out the lighter specks in her bright hazel eyes. Both of her delicate hands held a bouquet of white flowers in a near death grip. Despite that, she smiled warmly at the taller man._

 

_“Do you take this man to be your lawfully wedded husband?”_

 

_“I do.” She spoke with no hesitation, pink lips pulling into a wider smile._

 

_Hux wanted to scream. He wanted to throw a rock at Kylo’s moronic face and bash his head in. But he couldn’t move. He was forced to watch as his Rey leaned in and pressed her lips to Kylo’s. She giggled when they detached and threw her lace veiled arms around his neck as Kylo lifted and spun her. Their jubilance tumbled off of them in streams._

 

_The Earth tilted and shook. The image of Kylo and Rey shattered as though it were glass. Hux felt whatever it was that was holding him hostage ebb away. He took the time to scream out, thrash around in hopes that he’d awaken. But no, he was forced into another dream._

 

_“No!! Please don’t do this!” Rey was the first thing he saw and heard. She was being held back by two stormtroopers. She fought hard but they were stronger than her. “Please! If I ever meant anything to you-”_

 

_“Quiet!” Rey’s mouth closed immediately but that wasn’t what stunned him. It was his own voice._

 

_The rest of the vision came into focus._

 

_Kylo was laid out on the floor a foot or so in front of Rey with blood streaming from a wound on his forehead. Hux saw himself. A child, no older than a year, was cradled in his arms._

 

_“Hux please don’t hurt her! What we had-”_

 

 _Vision-Hux shifted the child in his arms and held one hand up as to silence her once more. “Does not matter. I won’t allow you to weaken me with your false words. I have_ an assignment _to complete.” Vision-Hux lifted the child vertically in his hands and looked at her._

 

 _Hux felt something bubble in his chest. It felt like a weight_ now-the _steel box he’d imprisoned his heart in when he was young. Rey had been able to find the key. Pushing that thought aside, Hux tried to focus on what Vision-Hux was feeling. Resentment. Utter disgust. Betrayal. Pain. Pain washed over him like a tidal wave. He’d given her everything he had to offer: his heart, his soul, his body, and she still left him. For what? A simple life on Naboo with Ren?_

 

 _Yes, he knew. He’d known for months. He watched them, He watched them, smiling and raising Bria together as though nothing was wrong. But it was. It was all wrong Bria was meant to be Hux’s, Rey was meant to be Hux’s and yet... there he stood with absolutely nothing but_ an empty _bed and a cold heart. His hands began to shake. A thought flashed through his mind as Bria looked at him with Ren’s dark brown eyes._ You should have been our child. _He imagined his own green eyes looking at him in curiosity. She would’ve been perfect if she’d been theirs. Instead, the child looked like her wretched father. Kylo ruined everything good in Hux's life._

 

_Withdrawing from his thoughts, Hux half tossed-half handed Bria over to the awaiting stormtrooper. Rey let out a cry as her daughter did, fighting against her captors once more. Her desperate hazel eyes darted between her husband and Bria._

 

_Vision-Hux was watching her so carefully that he didn’t miss her tongue quickly wetting her dry lips. When her eyes finally met his, it was only for a millisecond and then she was staring at his coat. She couldn’t even look him in the face. “I’ll do anything, just don’t hurt her.” Her voice was heavy with defeat._

 

_His doppelganger ran his eyes over the girl and snorted. “I owe you absolutely nothing nor do I want your false companionship-” That was a lie, Hux noticed, his own heart ached when the words were spoken. “-any longer. So, deal with her.” Vision-Hux nodded once to the stormtroopers holding her arms and Rey sobbed._

 

_She fought, but they slammed her to the ground. At the last moment, her head turned toward Hux and she screamed, “Don’t let them hurt me! You promised you’d protect me!”_

 

It was all too much.

 

Hux jolted up in bed. Sweat was rolling down his body, his chest was heaving. A single word forced itself up his throat over and over.

 

“No, no, no, no.” Hux threw his covers off of him and stood. He pulled a pair of sweatpants from his closet, slid them on and escaped the suffocating room without so much of a glance at the small figure tangled in his bedsheets. He wanted to scream, kick and punch every surface he touched. That didn’t feel like a dream. Hux rarely dreamed, but he knew the difference between a dream and reality and that...whatever he'd experienced had felt very real. He’d felt the weight of that child in his arms, the pain he held in his heart when he looked at Rey...he didn’t know it was possible to feel so much.

 

He found himself in the lounge of the base. Settled himself horizontally on one of the couches, he watched the stars through the glass-domed ceiling.

 

If this was some look into the future, he didn’t even want to bother with trying to hold onto Rey much longer. She would only leave him for Ren in the end. He might as well make it easy for them. As his eyes followed the passing stars, Hux wondered what he was thinking by letting himself become so attached to the scavenger. He was aware of her and Ren's force bond. He knew that because of it, she would be drawn to him and Hux wondered what he was thinking by letting himselfthat there were things that they could do through the bond such as hear each other's thoughts and communicate light years away. It would only be a matter of time before Rey began looking at Ren differently.

 

He simply had to remove himself from her good graces to prevent the pain he’d felt in that vision. He knew how to be cold and calculating. All he had to do was turn that side of himself on when he was around Rey and she’d fall right into Ren’s arms and they’d run away with each other and be out of his hair.

 

Hux had to sit up to be able to breathe. The thought left a heavy weight on his heart, but he would have to manage. He wouldn’t be the loser in this situation. No, he wouldn’t allow his heart to be stepped on by some scavenger and his incompetent coworker. He was General Hux, not some lovesick little boy that he’d allowed himself to become in the presence of Rey. He would make things right.

 

“I was so worried about you.” Rey came around his couch just then. She sat on the floor near his torso and offered a shy, close-lipped smile.

 

“I’m alright.” Hux stood and stepped over her.

 

Rey balked at his pale retreating back. “Where are you going?”

 

He didn’t stop walking, not even when she grabbed at his arm demanding he talk to her. Hux jerked his arm away when they reached his quarters. Once inside, he went to a closet in his bathroom and grabbed a fresh set of sheets.

 

Rey had resulted to calling him by his last name by now. The confusion and hurt in her voice made him want to run his hand through her hair and cradle her like he did when she grew scared or nervous but he resisted. Instead, he walked over to a door in a far corner of the room, tapped in a code and gestured Rey to follow him.

 

Her confusion dissolved into panic when she found herself in the doorway of a small bedroom. It was small, housing a twin sized bed, a bedside table, a closet and an attached bathroom. The only way out was the door she stood in. Hux dropped the covers on the bed and began walking towards her, his face set in an emotionless mask.

 

“What’s going on?” The same fingers which ran the length of her back after intimate activities that left her breathless, now gripped her forearms and moved her into the room while simultaneously moving himself back into his bedroom. “What did I do wrong?”

 

Hux pushed a button on the keypad and the door slid shut. She knew screaming and yelling would only have detrimental effects so she tried to sleep. Rey grabbed the comforter and wrapped it around her body. A lump grew in her throat and tears gathered in her eyes, threatening to spill over. She slept without him and his warm body and loving hands for years, so she could get through one night without him, right?

 

Hux couldn’t sleep at all. His dreams just kept repeating over and over every time he closed his eyes. This ‘Force’ was trying to tell him something and he knew it was for the best if he just separated himself from her so as to protect the both of their feelings, but he couldn’t help the way he rolled over seeking her body to hold. Or the way his hand reached for her brown hair to run his fingers through.

 

His eyes scanned the red numbers on the chronometer over and over. 16:27. He needed to be up in an hour and he couldn’t sleep. He was used to late nights, thrived on surviving on coffee to complete a task in time, but this was different. His mind was racing and he couldn’t keep his eyes from wandering to the door that housed his-no, not his, just Rey. She was alone. She was wondering what she’d done wrong. He could just envision her in his mind’s eye staring at the ceiling with red, puffy eyes. He wanted nothing more than to comfort her, his heart begged him to, but he took a deep breath and turned his back to the door.

 

She’d only run off with Kylo in the end. There was no point in pining for what he could never fully possess.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So my new yacht is Hux/Rey and I decided to try my hand at writing them...in a sense. Not sure how well I did or if I should continue, so let me know in the comments! Any and all constructive criticism is welcomed :)


	2. Temporary Bliss

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> After much consideration, typing, blood, sweat, and tears, I've decided to extend this story at least another 3-4 chapters. I great bit of this is un-betaed so alert me if you spot any inconsistencies of any sort. 
> 
> I apologize for any weird spacing issues. I'm working to try and fix it. 
> 
> Thank you and I hope you all like it!

So this is what their relationship has culminated to: Hux watching Rey while she slept. The entire thing had such a dark aura to it. He’d pushed her away and now he hovered in her doorway and gazed at her. Only when she was in this inert state, and there were no prying eyes, could he admit to himself-and only to himself- that he loved her so much. He loved the way her lips pouted while she slept, he loved the soft snores that she made when she fell into a deep sleep, he loved the way she still somehow slept on one side of the twin sized bed as if making room for him, he loved the way her brown hair fell over her face. He wanted to slide into the space she'd left for him, wrap his arms around her figure, tangle their legs together and hold her to his chest while he kissed the tender spot just behind her ear as he inhaled her scent. Her scent that was always strongest right there.

 

He always lingered in the doorway, leaning against it until the metal railing left a painful impression on his arm. He never could venture any farther. Whether it was from fear of Rey waking or fear of what he’d do if he stepped any closer, Hux wasn’t sure. Either way, he knew that his place was no longer beside her. He could only rightfully admire her from afar.

 

It was not like she would welcome him back with open arms anyway.  In fact, Rey hadn’t voluntarily spoken to him in over a month now.

 

The only time he heard her voice directed at him was only when she absolutely had to speak to him, like when she ran out of soap or fresh towels or she had to take directions from him during her training. Even then, she never looked at his face. She had every right to be upset with him but...but...he couldn’t find a single reason as to why she even bothered tolerating him no matter how much he wanted her to. He’d broken her heart.

 

And his own.

 

Silly, he knew. Shaking his head, Hux took a drink of his whiskey. It was paltry, terribly acrid but the taste matched how he felt. He knew things didn’t have to be so difficult between them. He could have at least tried to keep her from leaving him, but he didn’t. ‘Protecting himself and his feelings’ he’d called it. Pathetic was what he was.

 

Hux finished off his whiskey and turned back into his room. He had work to do and invading Rey’s personal space wouldn’t exactly win her back. He had let her distract him for far too long. Hux closed her door and traded his glass for a mug.

 

The first thing he did every morning was unlock her door. He’d forgotten one day before his shower and she’d leveled the most threatening glare at his forehead that he’d ever seen (because she didn’t want to look him in his eyes and he was partially grateful of that at that moment). Rey was up earlier than he most days so it wasn’t unusual for her to step out minutes later, grab a cup of caf from his food droid, and leave. It made things easier in a way. He could get ready without thinking of her or what she was doing or when she’d come out.

 

However, this morning felt different than others. She had breezed out while he was in the ‘fresher and left a sweet scent behind. Was she wearing perfume? And for whom? Hux chastised himself. If she was doing it for someone else, it was none of his business.

 

Still, the nagging feeling that _it_ was happening right in front of his eyes would not go away.

 

* * *

 

It had taken Rey a month and a half to accept that the separation of her and Hux was definite. At first, she’d cry, yell, and plead, but those arguments would always fall on deaf ears. She would end up back in that room, crying her eyes out into her pillows. Something had happened the night she found him in the lounge, but he did not speak of it. He would often tell her that they were better separated and he was getting a room furnished for her so she’d have her own space (which was a complete lie, but the sentence would get her to stop talking about it). Rey taught herself how to take this loss, square her shoulders, and go about her day like it didn’t matter. It was fine, no really, it was fine. She understood. She was a distraction and he had many responsibilities. He was dedicated to his work and didn’t have time for fraternizing with her anymore. She completely understood. And it was fine.

 

Rey ducked the swing of a staff and leg swept her opponent. He fell with an ‘oof’ and Rey straddled him. She pushed the tip of her staff to his throat until his hands raised in a sign of surrender.

 

“Good, Rey.” Basha’s voice was as low and gravely as ever, but she could read the approval in his eyes. She scrambled to her feet and he followed. “Again.”

 

He didn’t have his staff yet, but Rey knew better than to question him. She charged at him, eyes darting over his form to see where to strike. But before she could even point her staff, she was on the ground. He’d simply sidestepped her strike and tripped her.

 

“Focus.”

 

Rey nodded and tried again. This time, she saw the muscles in his arm twitch before he swung and was able to block his attack with a singular spin of her staff. Basha nodded once and backed off. He grabbed his own staff and circled Rey, dark eyes locked on hers.

 

His movements were always slow, threatening, and fluid until they weren’t, until his 6’4 frame was coming at you with all he had and he was stabbing at your neck and torso all at once. He was one of the most efficient Knights of Ren besides Kylo, which is why Phasma set them up to train together.

 

“She responds well to his teachings.” The captain observed with the ghost of a smile. “Rey will make a fine addition to the Knights of Ren if Kylo and the Supreme Leader will have her.”

 

Hux only nodded in acknowledgment before returning his gaze to his-Rey and the Knight. It wasn’t uncommon for high ranking individuals to watch their lower levels train through the two-way mirrors. It was important to observe their warriors, to see who they had in their fields, but this felt almost too...intimate. Vaguely, Hux wondered if she’d worn the sweet scent for the knight. Rey had smiled at him more than once, and they never shied away from skin to skin contact. Their nude torsos brushed against each other countless times; Rey had fallen into his arms once. Was this her way of flirting? Was the Knight flirting back?

 

When Phasma caught Hux moving from her peripheral vision, she tried to discreetly watch his expression. She’d been attempting to for the past 10 minutes, but he offered nothing out of his usual tight-lipped, intimidating gaze. They’d been there for over 2 hours now and curiosity was scratching at the edge of her attention. Phasma had attempted to cut the meeting short before, but Hux somehow managed to anchor her to her chair for another hour. There was something going on, something Hux wanted no one to find out about, and she had an inkling that it had to do with one of the two warriors sparring in front of them.

 

Rey took a rather brutal hit from Basha’s staff and fell with a cry of pain. Hux winced. It was a small gesture, a second long tightening of the eyes, and if Phasma wasn’t so observant she would’ve missed it. So, she sighed, Kylo’s babbling held some truth. Hux had developed compassion for the scavenger.

 

When it was brought to her attention, she had vehemently denied his accusations. ‘Hux? In love? What have you been drinking?’ She’d laughed humorlessly. Kylo had slammed his hands down on her desk. ‘I know it to be true.’ Phasma lazily dragged her eyes up to stare at his mask. ‘And what proof do you have other than the fact that the scavenger girl has been denying your advances?’ She did not have to see his face to know that he was stunned. ‘Our stormtroopers are human, Ren. They talk. If Hux is seeing the girl, I suggest you take notes from him on how to be discreet’.

 

Phasma was drawn from her thoughts by the sound of Hux clearing his throat. Upon realizing that he was waiting for her to stand so that they could formally adjourn the meeting, she rose to her feet.

 

* * *

 

When Hux retired to his quarters for the day, he’d found Rey’s door still open and her light off. He didn’t think much about it. Rey was in her 20’s now. She was also...she was not attached to him so whatever she was up to didn’t concern him. He had quite a bit of paperwork to do, thanks to Kylo’s recent tantrum, he couldn’t waste a single moment worrying about where she was. She’d find her way back to him. He was sure of it.

 

Hux glanced at the chronometer on his desk. The numbers read 12 am. She’d finished sparring practice with Basha over 4 hours ago and she was nowhere to be found when he patrolled the bridge 2 hours ago. Rey was an adult and she could do whatever she pleased, but she was naive in many ways and who’s to say someone isn’t taking advantage of her? Hux rolled his eyes at his worrisome thoughts. Rey was perfectly capable of defending herself.

 

He had to pause and close his eyes for a moment. Hux slid his glasses off of his nose and sat them on his desk, one hand rising to pinch the bridge of his nose. Seeing money that could very well be going into funding his army instead being used to repair what Kylo had broken never failed to give him a pounding headache. Kylo also injured a Lieutenant again, a good one at that. Mitaka now laid in the medical ward for what seemed to be the 10th time this year. Sooner or later, the boy might gain enough sense to try to escape and Hux couldn’t fathom the repercussions if he fell into the hands of The Resistance. And if Rey learned of Mitaka’s plan to escape, who’s to say that she wouldn’t aid him?

 

Rey.

 

Removing his hand from his eyes, Hux glanced at his display. 00:35. She should have been back by now. He promised himself that he wouldn’t, but his hands ached to grab his uniform and go on a search for his missing scavenger. As he began to rise from his chair, his holopad beeped.

 

Right. He had duties to attend to.

 

Hux settled down in his chair once more, slid his glasses back onto his face, and tapped on the message icon on his holopad.

 

Rey stumbled into Hux’s quarters at precisely 01:14am.

 

Hux had busied himself with beginning to write out his next speech. He’d ceased greeting her on arrival when she began ignoring him, so he glanced at her door to check if it was open-it was-and continued working. Rey hiccuped and then apologized to his standing mirror after she ran into it. He only looked up from his paper when she’d draped herself across his desk, a cheeky smile on her lips. Her pale, freckled cheeks were red, her dark eyes sparkling with mirth. By stars, she was drunk.

 

“Whatcha doin'?”

 

Hux leaned back in his seat once he smelled the staunch, alcoholic scent laminating her breath. “Writing a speech...the one that you are currently lying on. May I...?” He attempted to pull the papers from under her hips but she slammed her hands down on his. Reluctantly, he drew his eyes to her face. She now wore a frown. Rey swiveled around and rested her feet in the space between his thighs.

 

“No. We need to talk.”

 

He resisted the urge to roll his eyes and moved to stand.

 

“No!” Rey’s foot shot out and pushed him back to his seat. Her conscious self, hidden somewhere in the depths of her alcohol induced confidence, thanked Hux for positioning his desk the way he did, for not liking anyone looking over his shoulder so much that he’d put his chair against a wall.

 

Hux resigned with a sigh. “Okay Rey, I am listening. What do you want to talk about?”

 

“You know what.” She jumped down between his legs and leaned back against the desk. She tried to look angry, but her face crumbled the second she opened her mouth. Rey wrapped her arms around herself. “You-you know what you did to me.”

 

Swallowing down the emotions rising in his throat, Hux leveled Rey with a stern stare. “I think it would be best if you retired to your bed, Rey. You are not in your right mind.” Hux gauged her reaction as he slowly rose to his feet. Her eyes followed his every movement, but only when she looked at his face did he notice the unshed tears in them. “Come on.” With a gentle hand to her back, Hux was able to get Rey to her bedroom door. All he needed to do now was get her inside...

 

She shook her head when he attempted to lead her to her bed. “No, I can’t, I can’t sleep without knowing what happened.”

 

 _Of course she was a functional drunk._ Hux thought with a huff. Why couldn’t she be like Ren, who became even more of a bumbling fool than he was already while drunk? The man could never get out a coherent sentence, much to the amusement of Phasma. Weren’t soulmates supposed to carry some of the same characteristics or something?

 

He tried to haul her inside once again and she slid out of his arms by dropping to the ground. On her hands and knees, she crawled back into his room leaving a taunting giggle trailing behind her.

 

So Ren and Rey were both unbearably bothersome drunks. Splendid.

 

He strode over to the crawling, snickering girl and grabbed her by one of her ankles. She rolled onto her back and kicked at his hand with her free foot, that beautiful sound continuously bubbling from her chest as he fought with her flailing legs.

 

“Rey!” Hux choked out and dropped to his knees in pain when she targeted his groin with one of her rather powerful kicks. She rose, wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him down on top of her.

 

“Sorry.” Rey smiled. It wasn’t even a smile, it was a smirk, her eyes half closed and she seemed to marvel at his pain. Before he had a chance to respond, her fingers were digging into the skin of his cheeks and pulling his lips down to meet hers in a sloppy kiss.

 

Hux tried to pull away at first but fell victim to her when her legs parted and he felt her body arch into his. Her kisses were urgent, desperate and only seemed to become more urgent when he responded by sliding an arm under her curved back and held her to him.

 

He was the first the break away for air, pain still pulsating through his body. His lips found purchase along her collarbone and neck to distract himself.

 

“I missed you so much.” Rey sighed, tilting her head back to allow him more skin to kiss. Hux responded by cupping her cheek and placing a soft, slow kiss to her lips. It was all so surreal; her hands on his face and in his hair, her soft legs on either side of his hips, her soft body in his arms, her hips rolling to meet his, her lips pressed against his in a heated kiss. This is what he’d wanted, what he craved for months...and yet he found that he couldn’t do this while she was drunk.

 

Hux’s arms unraveled from her body and bracketed Rey’s head. He pushed himself to stand on his knees, or, at least, he tried to.

 

“No, please.” Rey’s hands gripped his neck tightly.

 

“Rey.” His voice had an air of finality to it, but she didn’t seem to care. She held onto him tight as he pushed himself to his feet. “Rey, it’s time for you to go to sleep. We can talk more in the morning.”

 

“Do you promise?” She pulled back and looked into his green eyes with piercing hazel ones. She seemed to be asking him more, but he only answered the question she’d spoken.

 

“I promise, Rey.”

 

She didn’t believe him, he could tell by the way her nose crinkled. “You promise?”

 

“I do, I promise.” Hux answered honestly. No, wait, he couldn’t continue to allow her to weaken him like that. Hux pushed new thoughts into his mind, a technique he’d learned in training. He had no intention of discussing his past action nor reliving tonight’s events. He just wanted Rey to go into her room and let him be. His worrying would be done for the night as she was safe. He had no other reason to waste another minute thinking of her. Now, he just needed to truly belie...

 

He felt her poking around his thoughts and raised his mental barriers, albeit a second too late. Rey untangled herself from him and stepped away. She’d seen his callous thoughts. Her chest began heaving as though she’d lost her breath.

 

“Rey-”

 

“No!” Rey slapped his outstretched hand away from her. She shook her head in disbelief. “All you do is lie to me.”

 

“That is not true. Just let me explain.”

 

“I can’t believe I-I can’t believe I trusted you! All this time, what was your goal? What did you aim to do when you pretended to care? Turn me to the dark side? Use my force sensitivity?”

 

Hux opened his mouth to defend himself, but found he had no words to speak. It was as though all of the alcohol had drained from her system. She looked at him with such betrayal and...hatred. Through all their fights, all of his threatening to get her another room, all their minor disagreements, all of their major disagreements, she hadn’t cast that stare at him. She hadn’t looked at him like that for over a year, from when she was just a prisoner of war. Back then, he’d laughed and called the expression pathetic. Now, he felt himself growing smaller under her scrutiny.

 

Hux was jerked from his thoughts by a laugh. This wasn’t one of her normal, joyous laughs, no, she was laughing humorless. She was laughing _at him_. “You, you really are a spineless man. How could I ever have been afraid of someone who is just a child pretending to know what they’re doing? You act like killing millions of people without batting an eyelash is a huge accomplishment, you think murdering children will fill the fear of never being enough.”

 

She just wanted to hurt him, Hux reminded himself. In the morning, she would be back to her chipper self and it would be like none of this happened. Straightening, he leveled her with a passive gaze. “We’ve already discussed the Hosnian system. It was completely necessary-”

 

“You tell yourself that just so you don’t have to face reality.” Rey sniffed. “I can’t believe I was so stupid. I actually-I made myself believe that we would work out. I told myself that this-what we had- was worth fighting for, that you were the one I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. I said ‘just because you never told me you loved me doesn’t mean you don’t’. I couldn’t have been more wrong.”

 

“Rey, I do,” Hux said, losing his cool demeanor once more.

 

Her arms rose and fell to her sides in exasperation. “You do what? I wanna hear you say it.”

 

The words crawled up his throat and sat on the tip of his tongue. His lips wouldn’t form the words though he felt them, he felt them in his heart. _I love you, Rey. You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me and I don’t know what I would do if you decided you didn’t need me anymore._ He tried, he really, really tried but all that came up was an empty breath of air that hung between them like a pest. He could have insulted her, her friends, her sunburnt skin, anything, and it wouldn’t have hurt her as much as his deafening silence did.

 

Rey chuckled quietly to herself and wiped her damp cheeks with the sleeve of her sweatshirt. “Wow. Okay. I’m just...I’m done, Hux. I’m done with us. I can’t do this anymore. I can’t pretend like I don’t love you, I can’t pretend that I don’t want you, but I can leave.”

 

“Wait!” Panic shot through him. He desperately wanted to reach out and hold her, but she was backing out of reach and he felt as though his feet were anchored to the floor.

 

She shook her head. “I’m done waiting. I wasted a year of my life waiting for you, waiting for The Resistance, waiting for my parents! All I do is wait!” Hux flinched. “I’m so sick of waiting for something good to happen. I thought you were my-I thought-” She looked at him with defeat in her eyes. “I guess not.”

 

“Rey, I apologize, but you know how I feel! You knew it before I did. I can not admit it to myself but-” Words uncontrollably tumbled out of his mouth, but they all fell on deaf ears. Rey had turned her back on him and retrieved her gym bag from beside the door.

 

When she finally spoke, her voice was faint. “I deserve someone who knows how they feel about me and isn't ashamed to tell me.”

 

She left. Just walked out the door and he had no choice other than to let her. The door slid closed and minutes ticked by before a wave of pain replaced his disbelief. Grief clawed at his throat and lungs and heart. Had all the oxygen been sucked out of the room? He couldn’t breathe. Every action hurt. His brain felt as though it’d burst through his skull at any moment. He thought not holding her hand as they walked through the corridors together hurt. He thought what he felt in that dream was pain. But neither compared to what he was feeling now.

 

Shakily, Hux made his way over to his bed and sat down. She said she’d _wasted_ her time, that she deserved better than him. She wasn't wrong; she deserved someone who could give her every single galaxy in space, but hearing her voice his worst fear...

 

Tears blurred his vision but he wouldn’t-no-couldn’t cry. He had responsibilities. He had plans to attend to. He had to oversee the construction of the new Starkiller, he had to approve drafts and work plans into the budget and press his clothes for tomorrow. He was a General and he had responsibilities. Hux repeated this to himself well into the night as a reminder of all that he’d worked to accomplish. He repeated this until his vision focused again and he returned to his desk with dry cheeks, but a tortured, shattered heart. But he was fine, he told himself as he looked over his speech and could barely decipher a single word on the paper, he’d be completely fine.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So...don't kill me? Haha. Feel free to leave any thoughts, ideas, questions and critics in the comments or just message me :)


	3. Formal Meetings

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a bit overdue, but it's here and I hope you all like it :)
> 
> A hugee thank you to starshine-galaxy for getting me through this writer's block! This chapter is dedicated to you and your awesomeness <3

Hux did not sleep that night, or the following night, or the night after that. He only slept a complete hour that week, 40 minutes the next and a whopping 20 minutes the third week. He worked endlessly, tirelessly. He didn’t even know what it’s like to be tired anymore. He’d forgotten how it felt to relax or ‘blow off some steam’ as Phasma would say. He just worked. When he completed all available work, he revised all he had done. He wrote a speech and spent the night correcting his mistakes, and then rewriting the entire speech. Anything to stay productive.

 

Phasma was the first to notice the change in Hux. He was the same in every other way but his eyes. Not only were there dark circles surrounding them, his eyes just didn’t hold that same determined spark in them. In fact, they were devoid of any spark. When he turned those greens on her, Phasma had to shift her gaze. It was like talking to a clone.

 

Rey, on the other hand, seemed to be completely fine. After a private meeting with Snoke and Kylo, she began training with the Knight of Ren. Emotions had been clouding her powers, Kylo had informed her over wine in her office. Phasma suspected that those emotions had been directed towards a certain General, but kept the thought to herself. Instead, she implanted the idea that Rey had finally accepted that the Resistance wasn’t coming back for her in Kylo’s head and watched his ego inflate.

 

Her suspicions had been confirmed the moment she saw Kylo and Rey walk into the conference room together. They stood so close that their hands brushed together every step they took. Phasma’s eyes slid over to gauge Hux’s reaction but the General gave nothing away. Hux nodded curtly at the couple before taking his seat at the head of the table. Kylo sat on the other end, Rey at his side and Phasma settled comfortably on Hux’s right, an equal amount of chair between the two men and her.

 

Only moments later, a glass filled with wine floated into Phasma’s view. The former scavenger dropped the glass directly into her hand, the red wine sloshing against the sides.

 

“Thank you,” Phasma nodded.

 

Rey responded with an almost cocky smile.

 

Hux observed what had become of his Rey over the past 2 weeks or so. She was sprawled out over a seat, one knee hooked over the armrest. She wore dark pants and a fitted long-sleeved black turtleneck. Black boots adorned her usually bare feet, and her hair hung in three ponytails as opposed to the three buns he’d grown to love. He had attempted to catch her eye more than once, but she only seemed interested in Kylo and Phasma.

 

“Rey has improved immensely over these past few weeks,” Kylo boasted. “I have plans on sending her on the mission tomorrow. It is a simple extraction of information, just to get her started.”

 

“I’m sure you will do well, Rey,” Hux spoke for the first time, pointedly looking at the girl.

 

“She will,” Kylo said before Rey had a chance to open to her mouth. When she looked at him, he passed a gloved hand through one of her ponytails. “We have worked hard for this moment. She will not fail me.”

 

Hux decided then to focus solely on the meeting. He made notes of what was needed on his datapad and listened intently to the rest. His job came first, he reminded himself when his eyes would wander to Rey. She seemed to not even notice him there, he attempted to do the same.

 

When the meeting finally came to a close, Kylo set his hand on Rey’s nearest one. She gave him a small smile when he touched her. Despite her earlier claims of hatred for him, she seemed rather content in his presence. Phasma chose then to make her exit. Belatedly, Hux realized that she had been speaking to him. Kylo and Rey rose from their chairs and spoke amongst themselves. Hux attempted to look preoccupied with his datapad, but soon realized that his efforts went unacknowledged. She never even glanced his way.

 

“May I have a word with Rey, privately?” The words fell from his mouth before he could stop them. Kylo’s helmet turned towards him.

 

“And what is so important that it must be spoken in private?”

 

Rey placed a hand on Kylo’s arm and leaned close to him. Whatever she said satisfied him. The Knight left without a single word. He only lingered once, and that was for final confirmation from Rey. She nodded, and he was gone.

 

Once the door slid closed behind him, Rey looked directly at Hux for the first time since she’d stormed out of his room. Her eyes held no compassion for him. In fact, she looked as though she’d rather be anywhere but standing several feet away from him. He just couldn’t stop looking at her. It had felt like an eternity.

 

“Well? What did you want to talk to me about?”

 

Hux’s hands met around his back. Rey could practically hear him coaching himself on remaining cordial without reading his mind. “How are you?”

 

“I’m fine.” She sighed.

 

Hux nodded, casting his eyes to the ground. He was determined to keep his emotions at bay in front of her, but how could he while discussing the very thing that refused to let him sleep at night? He resolved to approaching the subject gently. “I was just wondering-”

 

“We both know that was not the question you wanted to ask me, so go ahead. I have to prepare for my mission.”

 

“Are you-have you-” Hux huffed and lifted his head. He rounded the table and stood only an arm's length away from her. She only watched him and how his eyes made several trips over her body. She knew the moment Hux noticed the bruise on her left cheek, but her hand flew up to cover it only moments later. There was a softness to his gaze that made her want to shrink into herself. “Rey-”

 

“It was a sparring accident. I lost my focus and Akena’s staff hit me.”

 

Hux’s eyebrows furrowed. “You’ve never allowed yourself to be hit in the face before.”

 

“Yea well,” Rey shifted her weight and crossed her arms over her chest.

 

“Has he been treating you well?” It wasn’t what he had wanted to ask her, but it was close. He just couldn’t stop looking at that bruise. How had he been so careless as to miss the yellow mark on her skin?

 

She nodded, her eyes focused on his covered neck rather than his eyes. “He has been kind to me, yes.”

 

Hux pulled his bottom lip into his mouth. He needed to ask her, he had to know. A part of him reasoned that it was better to be ignorant of what happened between the pair in private. As long as Ren had been cordial at most to Rey, he should turn a blind eye.

 

“Is that all?” Rey asked rather gently, her voice just barely making it to his ears

 

“Yes.”

 

Her arms dropped to her side. Rey glanced at his face as she walked around him. She’d only saw his eyes for a moment, but it was enough time to see the words he’d wanted to say in them. It was best that he didn’t and she hoped for both of their sakes he knew that.

 

Rey had made her way to the door before she heard the question she had been dreading fall from Hux’s lips.

 

“Do you love him?”

 

Force.

 

Emotions she had taught herself to hold down began rising in her chest. She promised herself that she wouldn’t let them get the best of her. She was better than this. She had spent too many nights crying over their failed relationship, and now she just wanted to move on. She deserved more than he could give her, maybe something Kylo could give her. Kylo did not hide his emotions for her, unlike Hux. He told her everything that was on his mind, he wanted her to know what was brewing behind those brown eyes without her asking and he looked at her with such an intensity...but did she love him?

 

Rey faced Hux, finding that he had done the same to watch her walk away. He didn’t look like a vicious General, capable of killing millions and stomping on her heart repeatedly. In that moment, he looked like a crestfallen boy that was awaiting death. She knew her confirmation, whether truthful or not, would be the knife through his throat. She knew that she could finally render him broken with just one word. And yet, she found that thought unappealing. So she chose to say nothing.

 

Then, just as she had so many sleepless nights ago, she turned and walked away.

 

* * *

 

Hux returned to his quarters shortly after, his head held high and his eyes meeting others who dared to gaze at him unflinchingly. No one should know of the words that were spoken to him, nor the words that went unspoken. They were quite frankly no one’s business and would not give them a chance to even fathom the amount of emotions that threatened to push tears to his eyes. No, he walked as he normally would. He performed as he normally would. He was normal until he stepped foot into his quarters and the door slid shut behind him.

 

His mind chose that moment to remind him of what he had months ago, of what could have been. More often than not, Rey would have been tangled in his bed sheets, her hair hanging loosely over her bare shoulders and face. He used to come around to her bedside and place a kiss on her forehead to rouse her.

 

“Hey,” She used to smile so brightly when she laid eyes on him. He would brush wayward strands of her hair away from her face, his thumb coming to slide across her bottom lip. “Come here, you’ve been gone for far too long.”

 

Rey would slide over in bed and make room for him. She wouldn’t get discouraged when he took his time removing and carefully folding every clothing item, she would simply lift the blankets when he finished and wrap her arms around his body the moment he was settled in.

 

“Are you well rested?” His own arms would come to wrap around her back.

 

“All I do is sleep and eat.” Rey mused, tucking her head under his chin. “I’m starting to think you just want to plump me up so that I won’t be able to run away.”

 

“You are far too intelligent. I now have to think of another plan.”

 

“I won’t leave as long as you hold me like this. You have my word.” She sighed and drifted off to sleep once more.

 

Opening his eyes, Hux found himself staring at an empty bed. Rey would not be lying in his bed, or in his arms again. He had to accept her decision to move on from their relationship. Once, he made a vow to make decisions that were best for her, and he would keep to that vow even though it bothered him to see her so happy with another. Kylo Ren. An incompetent man-child at that.

 

Hux pushed his emotions aside and began focusing on his work once more. Though the meeting had thrown off his usual schedule, he was proud to say that he was caught up on his work. Most of it had been a debriefing on tomorrow’s mission and a request for weapons from the armory for Rey to wield. If tomorrow’s mission went well, she would be able to call herself Rey Ren. Though the name rolled off the tongue, Hux found that it left a bitter aftertaste in his mouth.

 

That did not matter. She was happy with her soon-to-be new job. That was all he could ever ask for.

 

Readjusting his greatcoat, Hux left his quarters and began his second patrol of the day.

 


	4. Passcodes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for your continued support of this story! Every kudo, comment, and message makes my day brighter :) As always, feel free to comment/message and I owe a hugee thank you to starshine-galaxy because this chapter would an absolute mess without her :D

Rey had gotten better at walking away. One of her flaws was always getting attached. She would get attached to people, to relationships, to what she gained from being in said relationships, to places, to moments she would desperately attempt to relive. Hux attributed this to her being alone for so long, but she would shake her head and claim she was just sentimental.

 

In a way, Hux was proud of her for standing up for herself even if it meant the end of their relationship. She was finally learning how to be selfish and think about what’s best for her.

 

Rey looked happy when he saw her that next day. She had been conversing with a Knight of Ren as she tied a mask around her nose and mouth. Once it was in place, she pulled a hood over her head and stuck out her arms as if asking ‘how do I look?’. Hux continued his stroll before she spotted him. Today was an important day for her and he did not want to ruin it.

 

For that reason, he did not see her off. Hux busied himself by visiting the room designated for target practice when she was set to depart. He aimed his blaster at his first dummy and fired. The manikin rocked violently as a hole was blown through its midsection. He waited while it was replaced by a fresh one, which was promptly beheaded.

 

“Quickly.” Hux ordered the stormtroopers on duty. They moved faster, but he still felt as though he had waited too long by the time he was able to shoot again. “Faster!”

 

The 'troopers scrambled and bumped into each other, making him sigh impatiently.

 

“I can feel your eyes burning holes into my back, Captain.” Hux turned and faced Phasma who reluctantly stepped forward from the shadows by the entrance. He wasn’t sure why Phasma even tried anymore. Not only did her large frame make it hard for her to hide, she had a gaze that seemed to scorch anything it touched.

 

Hux directed his attention to the ‘troopers standing in parade rest. “Give us the room.”

 

"You have impeccable aim, sir." Phasma said once they were alone.

 

Hux craned his head slightly, and she almost pictured him as a bird she’d seen once, a raven, puffing out his chest. He was always a proud man. Then, Hux turned that passive gaze onto her and she was reminded that he was not a man who enjoyed small talk.

 

"My point is," She continued carefully. "You do not need target practice. So, why are you here exhausting my limited supply of targets?"

 

"I have not used my blaster in over 70 days." Hux replied airily, his voice holding a false note of innocence.

 

Phasma took advantage of the fact that Hux could not see her face and pulled her bottom lip into her mouth. She could very well be demoted for speaking her thoughts even though it would be for the good of the Order. By the time she gained the courage to speak, he had set his blaster down and was tugging on his gloves.

 

"Is there anything you wish to discuss with me, Captain?" Hux asked with a look over his shoulder.

 

"Yes, pardon me. I wanted to inform you of Rey's performance."

 

"That isn't of my concern. She is of Ren's now, seeing as he has taken her as a part of the Knights." Hux gave a final pull to his glove and made his way to the coat rack by the exit.

 

"She is not fond of Kylo." Phasma said as though Hux hadn't spoken. When he said nothing more, she continued. "She appeared to be...more fulfilled while living under your command."

 

"Captain, if you are alluding to what I believe you are, that is-"

 

"It was just an observation, sir." She bowed her head slightly when he turned his cold green eyes on her for daring to interrupt him. "I was told to monitor Rey and report any changes. I merely noticed a difference in attitude and focus after she began living with the Knights."

 

Hux's shoulders didn't relax, neither did his pinched lips. He only turned and looked at Phasma with an intensity that made her skin crawl. Though she was taller and stronger than he was, there was something unnerving about Hux, an instability that occasionally made itself known. She hoped that now would not be one of those times.

 

“It would be in your best interest to relieve yourself of your duties pertaining to Rey.” His voice was tailored, controlled when he addressed her once more. With one last pointed look in her direction, Hux draped his greatcoat over his shoulders and left.

 

Phasma blew out a breath of air in relief once the door closed behind him. If there was a Maker, they would make it so Rey and Hux would finally work out their difference for the sake of The First Order. They _both_ were more beneficial to The First Order when they were happily together.

 

* * *

 

Rey strolled alongside Kylo onboard his ship. Often times, the walkways would get too constricting for the both of them and Kylo would allow her to walk ahead. He was right on her heel then, so close that she could feel the material of his garbs brush against the backs of her hands.

 

"This is your room," Kylo said as they approached a door. It slid open and he presented the room to her. It reminded her of the room Hux had stuck her in. Small, with a full sized bed and a connected bathroom. She stepped inside to get a better look.

 

"The passcode you create will only be known by you," Kylo told her, once again on her heel as she inspected the room. "I want you to entrust me with the code to your room when you feel comfortable doing so."

 

Rey turned and found herself chest to chest with Kylo. She craned her neck to look at his visor. "I appreciate your hospitality, Kylo. Can you teach me how to set my code?" It took maybe 4 minutes, but afterwards, Rey straightened and bit her bottom lip in irritation. She had lived 25 years, and yet she could only come up with one combination of numbers she knew she could never forget.

 

8/20/13

 

It had been a full year plus eight months since the time she was taken. The time that she and General Hux had shared their first kiss. It was the 13th hour on the dot. He had entered her cell, but his mind had been elsewhere while they spoke. He pressed his lips against her hastily, like he couldn’t stand her and needed her all at once. She attempted to lean into the kiss but he pulled away the moment she relaxed. He left with precise strides, reflective black boots causing a slight squeak to reverberate throughout the room. The next time she saw him, she told him that that this was their anniversary, and had since held the date close. The migraine she endured when recordings of his speeches were blasted into her cell throughout that day were all worth enduring upon seeing his cheeks turn a brilliant shade of pink.

 

Rey sighed to herself, vaguely hearing Kylo speak, but choosing not to listen. The months leading up to their relationship were full of turmoil. Someone was running away, the other was reluctantly chasing. They were both running, they were both begging each other to stay. They’d always end up in each other’s arms, but not without sleepless nights and rising insecurities. Hux would never disclose things he felt he didn’t have to, such as his first name and names of other First Order bases, and Rey wanted too much from him too soon. She craved intimacy, loving touches, stolen kisses in half-empty hallways and declarations of love, but she had fallen in love with Hux, not Casanova. He would not appear bearing flowers after he made her cry during an argument. His hands would never comfortably embrace her face and pull her lips to his in front of his peers. She was lucky if he held her close for the first month of their ‘official’ relationship.

 

“What is on your mind, my apprentice?” Kylo asked, a hand on her head and thumb stroking her hairline. It was an odd gesture which is why it pulled her from her thoughts.

 

Rey collected herself and pushed Hux away from her immediate thoughts as much as she could. If he’d read her thoughts, Kylo gave no indication of it. In fact, he seemed rather relaxed in her presence. “My mission. I’m nervous. I just need to rest for a few hours.”

 

His hand slid to one of her cheeks. Though she could not see his face, she knew his gestures were not only meant to calm her. “I will wake you when we are near our destination. Do not worry, you will not fail me.”

 

She mustered a half of a smile, only to let it fall when Kylo left her. It was true that she needed to sleep, but she doubted that she would be able to with the nuisance thought of a general rattling around in her mind.

  


A knock sounded on her door less than an hour later. Rey opened it with a flick of the wrist as she slowly pulled herself out of her meditative state.

 

“Hey!” She didn’t even have to look to know that her newest friend and fellow knight, Akena, was the one who’d fallen onto her bed with a dramatic ‘oomf’. “No fair! Your bed is softer than mine!”

 

Rey chuckled and opened her eyes. Akena laid next to her, black braids framing her face and ending at her exposed midriff. Looking at her joyous smile, it was hard to believe that she was apart of the ruthless Knights of Ren. No one smiled as wide or laughed as harmoniously as her. She was the brightest thing in the First Order. She made Rey feel a little less lonely when her mind drifted to all she had lost.

 

Rey rolled onto her stomach and greeted Akena with a smile, hoping to catch just a bit of the liveliness her friend radiated.


	5. Brothers and Sisters

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know what you're thinking 'you disappear for a month and come back with this?' Shh, you aren't supposed to know I'm a fraud who can't actually write to save her life just yet xD I've been trying to make sense of this story and take it on a path that many will (hopefully) enjoy. This started as a one-shot, and then I've been writing off the top of my head but I found myself forgetting about smaller plotlines and it was a mess BUT I've been working at it along with getting past exams and writers block and I think I'm finally at a good place.  
> SO I hope you all enjoy what I have in store! As always, I have to thank starshine-galaxy on Tumblr for putting up with my horrid writing and rants and whinings. This story would officially be a mess without her.

Rey thought that since the ship was so small, she would run into a Knight every time she stepped out of her room. After nearly 10 hours on board, it had become evident that she was mistaken.

 

Maybe the ship wasn’t very small, but it had to be at least 10 times smaller than _The Finalizer_ , and the lack of space was beginning to drive her insane. It housed essentials: a kitchen, complete with two food droids, 8 bedrooms, with assumed adjoining bathrooms as the only other bathroom on the ship was near the cockpit, and on the opposite wall were bunk beds for the two pilots and a large lounging area complete with a bar stocked to the brim with juices, wines, and hard liquors. There also was a lack of viewports, save for the transparisteel walls of the lounge area.

 

“I didn’t think anyone else was awake.”

 

Rey jumped back to refrain from running into the person who seemingly appeared out of nowhere. Reminding herself that she needed to stop allowing herself to zone out so often, she craned her neck to meet the _eyes_ of a knight.

 

“You’re Rey, right?”

 

She couldn’t help but gape at his bare face. She nodded her response, at which his lips twitched in amusement. Stars, she could see his mouth. And on top of that, he had a human mouth. He had a human face. For some reason, Rey always imagined the others as being horribly scarred or non-human or something due to the fact that they never removed their helmets though they clearly were allowed to. But this person, he was neither. His skin was fair and would have been flawless had it not been for the thin pink scar that wrapped around the center of his neck, his blonde hair was cropped close to his head. He had light hairs covering his jawline, cerulean blue eyes, and she could actually see the mirth brewing in them the longer she stared at him.

 

Rey quickly redirected her gaze to his nose, just in time to see his nostrils flare as he snorted.

 

“We never formally met. I’m Pauel.”

 

“Nice to formally meet you.” She smiled and stuck out her hand. Pauel glanced at it before bringing his hands around his back. Rey dropped hers.

 

“Likewise. I’m looking forward to working with you.” He took her by surprise by bending at the waist. Rey had seen the Knights do it to Kylo when he entered a room, but never a Knight to another. Perhaps it is a formal gesture. Should she return it? Before Rey could figure out the answers to her questions, Pauel had straightened and stepped around her.

 

Spinning on her heels, Rey addressed his retreating back just loud enough for him to hear. “Hey, do you mind if I tag along?”

 

* * *

 

Rey polished off her glass of orange juice and vodka and reached for the pitcher Pauel had prepared for them. They had spent the majority of the morning watching the stars and exchanging mindless comments until he suggested that they have a drink.

 

Pauel was in the middle of telling her about his home planet, Coruscant. Rey vaguely remembered Leia telling her of the planet but attempted not to think too much about the woman who she had begun to think of as a mother figure until…

 

Rey lifted her glass to her lips only to find it empty. Furrowing her eyebrows, she picked up the pitcher once more.

 

“Only a half glass this time. It is too early for heavy drinking.” Pauel commented, and she grinned as she proceeded to fill her glass almost to the brim. He attempted to cover his smirk by taking a sip of his own drink. “Just make sure you make it known to Master that I’m not responsible for your inebriated state.”

 

“Will do.” She gestured for him to continue with his story, and he did so after throwing another one of his amused smirks at her.

 

“My father was a politician, as was my mother. I was supposed to follow in their footsteps, but I had other plans. Neither were exactly thrilled.” Pauel punctuated the final words with a mocking lift of the eyebrows, drawing a giggle from Rey. “I chose my own path, or should I say paths. I was a bartender in a nightclub for almost a year before I stole a transport, and ran away to-Master!” Pauel’s eyes looked at a point beyond Rey’s face, widening as they did so. He shot to his feet and dropped into a bow at once.

 

Rey looked over her shoulder. Kylo stood in the doorway of the lounge. His back was straight, and one of his gloved hands were reaching into his robes as though it were searching for his lightsaber. She reached out to him through their bond only to find herself shut out from his mind. His response to her was a coldness that made her shiver. He held himself as though he’d walked in on them having sex on the bar.

 

“Kylo.” Rey slid out of her chair and onto her bare feet.

 

“Rey.” His modulated voice nearly spat out her name. She had to resist the urge to roll her eyes. Him and his childish ways would not ruin the good mood Pauel had put her in. Kylo didn’t say anything for a moment. He watched the way they carried themselves in his presence. Where Pauel was standing at attention, Rey was slouched and shooting daggers at him with her red eyes. Making a note to remind Rey how to properly greet her master, Kylo continued. “You have a training session in 20 minutes.”

 

“May I ask with whom?”

 

“No.”

 

She nodded once. “Yes, Master.” Though her words were spoken with respect, anyone with the slightest sensitivity to the Force could feel Rey’s discouragement with Kylo. He mentally bristled at that. They had spent many weeks working together, shouldn’t she be as happy to see him now as she was when she saw Basha or Akena? All she wanted was for Kylo to leave them so she could be alone with Pauel.

 

Kylo’s head turned towards Pauel once more, leveling him with a silent warning, before he turned and left the lounge. Only when his multitude of black robes were out of their sights did Pauel relax. Rey turned back to her drinking partner, who fell back into his seat with a sigh.

 

“He’s like that even here?” She asked as she returned to her seat as well, tucking one of her legs under her.

 

He shook his head and grabbed his glass with the intent of taking a long drink.“No, he’s not that bad when it’s just us. It seems to be you that’s putting him on edge.”

 

“He’s waiting for me to try and leave, I think.”

 

“Will you?”

 

Rey took a drink of her cocktail and settled down in her seat. Pauel made no effort to hide the fact that he was watching her, intently awaiting her answer. She shrugged her shoulders.

 

“I guess we’ll have to see, won’t we?”

 

* * *

 

Finding the training room was unsurprisingly easy considering how many hours she spent exploring the ship in an attempt to burn time. It nearly covered the entirety of the ship's lowest level, accessible by a small staircase along a far wall of the lounge. Kylo’s force signature lead her to one of the two private rooms. He was using one of the mock lightsabers to annihilate a dummy. He didn’t acknowledge her. Rey settled onto the floor at a safe distance away from Kylo and began to stretch.

 

Silence filled the room moments later, save for Kylo’s heavy breathing.

 

“I see you've met Pauel.”

 

“Yes.”

 

Kylo’s heavy footsteps fell against the hardwood floors, leading to her. Rey looked up just as Kylo thrust the wooden lightsaber at her throat. She rolled away and rose to her feet. She barely had time to gain her footing before he was stabbing at her body again.

 

“What the-” Kylo aimed the 'saber at her throat once more. She swatted the weapon away and backed up to put some distance between them. With three exaggerated steps, Kylo was on her again. He attacked with a vengeance that reminded her of their first battle on Starkiller Base, easily eliminating any space she attempted to put between them and not giving her a mere second to gain any ground.

 

That is until he spun with the ‘saber poised over his head. Rey lunged at his midsection. She tackled him to the door, baring her teeth when the flat of the wooden saber hit her on the top of her head. Rey grabbed it, and Kylo began pulling it away. The blade hadn’t been sanded, Rey could tell as much when splinters began to dig into her palms. They wrestled for the weapon for minutes until Rey was able to snatch the blade away using the Force to enhance her strength and threw it out of Kylo’s reach.

 

Rey resisted the urge to collapse on top of Kylo from exhaustion and instead tightened her hold on his wrists.

 

“What was that about?” She asked through gasps of air. Kylo’s chest heaved as well. Tendrils of his dark hair stuck to his forehead, barely restrained anger swirling in his brown eyes. Kylo huffed and began to heave Rey off of him. She pushed against his shoulders with the Force, holding him in place.

 

“What was that about, _Master_?”

 

“It was a test. You passed.” Kylo spat and pushed against her hands, but Rey held her ground. He growled at her like a restrained, wild creature and pushed once more. “Now release me!”

 

She shook her head defiantly. “I don’t believe you.”

 

“Rey! I am your Master, you do as I say.” Kylo gritted his teeth as he battled against Rey’s attacks. He said her name once more when she didn’t relent. “Don’t make me do this.”

 

When she didn’t respond, Rey was blindsided by Kylo forcing his way into her mind. Her focus on restraining him had left her mind open and he knew it. He knew Rey would have to make a choice to release him or push him out of her mind. Which one would she choose?

 

Kylo had found himself rifling through her memories when he heard a faint whisper. He paused his search and reversed with the intent on finding out just why the moment was so dear to her and who had said those words. It was a recent memory, it couldn’t have been from someone in The Resistance.

 

_Don’t leave, Rey._

 

“No!” Rey bellowed as Kylo began attempting to pull the memory out of her. She could see herself starting to lose her hold on it as flashes of the memory flew past her eyes: a soft hand on her thigh, lips pressed against her forehead, soft bed sheets brushing against her arms. Kylo pulled harder when he realized that this particular memory was of her and a lover, but she wouldn’t let him have it.

 

“Get out of my head!” Rey smacked Kylo across his face before she retaliated mentally, violently ripping him away from the memory and pushing him out of her mind.

 

Kylo used the distraction to roll Rey onto her back and pin her down using his body. Rey cradled her head as though it were a broken arm, tears threatening to spill from her eyes. “Was that Pauel? Or Basha?” He hissed.

 

“The Knights of Ren are brothers and sisters. There will be no fraternization between _any_ of you.”

 

“Fuck you.” She meant to yell the words to him, but they fell from her lips as parts of a broken sob. She had to compose herself. Kylo would never have the chance to see her cry. Kylo's grip slacked momentarily as he became unsure of himself and what he had done. Rey’s face was nearly bright red, as was her chest. Unshed tears shined in her hazel eyes, ones stung with betrayal. He told himself that he was not going to hurt her. He was not Snoke, nor did he want to be Luke-the careless, fool of a Jedi Master. He would not bend and break his apprentice to fit his needs and do his dirty work.

 

Rey took advantage of his hesitance and used the last bit of energy she had in herself to shove his hulking body off of her. Her head fell back against the floor when he rolled off of her without much of a fight, and she turned onto her side to catch her breath.

 

Kylo was just as exhausted from their struggles as she was, though he tried not to show it. He lifted himself to uncertain feet, biting back grunts as he did so. Rey’s mind was swimming, and her vision waivered every few moments. She closed her eyes to stop herself from becoming sick.

 

The next time she opened her eyes, she found herself staring up someone’s nostrils. Rey sat up, nearly headbutting Akena. She looked around the small dark room, finding no occupants other than them. This also wasn’t a med bay, but another bedroom.

 

“Woah, slow down! I’m almost done.” Her friend advised. She placed two gentle hands on Rey’s shoulders and pushed her back into the bed. Rey watched as Akena placed her fingers against her temple and closed her eyes.

 

At first, she could feel nothing, and then there was a warmness surrounding her head. Rey could feel Akena gently prodding at her mind, careful not to press against any of her barriers. Akena’s eyebrows drew close when she encountered a particularly inflamed area of Rey’s mind and set to work.

 

“Relax.” She whispered, her voice so light Rey nearly missed the word. Rey closed her eyes once more and tried to do so. She couldn’t help but to tense up when Akena ventured too close to her memories. Akena pressed on cautiously, doing what she needed to in order to ensure Rey’s safety. She soothed the trauma left by Kylo’s reckless invasion as she scolded their Master in her own mind. It was not the first time his anger and jealousy left someone near brain dead, but she hoped it would be the last.

 

Suddenly, Akena withdrew from Rey's mind, coughing and gasping for air. Rey sat up once more, already missing her friend’s comforting presence. She turned to thank her only to find the girl on her knees. Akena waved a dismissive hand when Rey made to get off of her bed to assist her.

 

She could only watch in confusion and concern as her friend fought through her pain. Soon enough, however, Akena straightened and seemed back to her normal self for the most part, though she walked with a limp and with a hand splayed over her flat stomach. “I’m fine, just a side effect of healing.” Still coughing, Akena reached out to the bed with the intent to use it as a crutch but missed. Rey lunged forward, catching her, before she nearly collapsed, her eyebrows knitting together as she inspected Akena's pained expression.

 

“Did Kylo tell you to heal me?” Belatedly, Rey realized that was probably not exactly the appropriate question to be asking, and mentally chastised herself for being so insensitive.

 

Akena shook her head. She clenched her teeth as another wave of pain washed over her.

 

“Why did you do it then if it hurts?”

 

“Because, Rey, I love my brothers and sister.” She inclined her head towards Rey and smiled weakly, "I'll do whatever it takes to save them." Rey’s guilt only increased. When was the last time someone went through immense pain just to save her? She pulled Akena into a hug and whispered her appreciation through tears that began falling without her permission.

  



	6. Priorities

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This update came pretty early, but inspiration struck so I decided it would just be better to go ahead and post. Thank all you for taking the time to read, subscribe to, and leave comments and kudos on this story (despite its author having no idea what they're doing). Also, if Tumblr's more of your thing, feel free to send me a message on there: FortheloveofKlonnie, I'd love to hear more of yalls thoughts and such :D  
>   
> Obligatory thank you always goes to my faithful beta starshine-galaxy (Tumblr). I believe I've failed to mention her before but I can never say too many thank yous to Juulna (Tumblr and Ao3) for dealing with my spontaneous questions and whinings. I appreciate you both soo much <3

Hours spent on the Knight’s ship flew by.

 

After ensuring Rey’s safety, Akena had succumbed to her exhaustion and slept for several hours. Since then, the only sounds that could be heard had been of the soft whir of the engine as it traveled through space and Rey’s sighs of boredom. Everyone seemed to be holed up in their respective rooms including Basha, who was known to be the busybody of the group. This often led Rey to do the same.

 

Without a datapad, holovid, or any other form of entertainment, Rey was left to find distractions on her own. She spent the majority of the time talking to the pilots, Lonia and Ewim. They were handpicked by Kylo, much to both their and Hux’s distress. They were two of the best TIE Fighter pilots, and there was no mistaking the longing in their eyes as they spoke about their adventures together. Piloting the ship was much different from a TIE Fighter. It took such great care that they would often have to stop in the middle of their sentences and run back to the ship's console to adjust the controls.

 

When they became too busy to carry a proper conversation, Rey occupied herself by practicing all she had learned from her brothers and sister. Every few hours, a food droid would roll to her door beeping loudly to make itself known. The meals provided were always filling, the majority of the time containing a broth, meat, and bread along with a glass of water. When the droid returned to collect her dirty dishes, it brought along a fruit. Rey always accepted the offering and patted the droid’s head, to which she was rewarded with a soft beep. This time, instead of returning to her activities as she usually would, Rey stood in her doorway with a somber smile and watched the droid roll to the next door.

 

It hadn’t been given a name to her knowledge, but it reminded her of R2-D2. They both contained the same domed head and cylinder body, but this droid rolled on 4 wheels and its head only served to protect the food it carried. Even the pitch of their beeps were identical, Rey noted as the droid alerted her neighbor of its arrival. The door slid open, but she could see nothing besides the pure darkness of the room. Under the clear head, a new plate rose from the depths of the droid. The dome slid back. For a moment, Rey was convinced that the person wasn’t satisfied with their meal. If it wasn’t for the Force telling her otherwise, Rey would have thought the room to be empty.

 

Moments later, gloved fingers reached from the darkness and curled around the edge of the plate with controlled grace. The movement, normally such a simple one, held her attention. Rey observed intently, taking note of the standard gloves, no different from the ones Kylo wore. From what she could see the fingers, themselves, were long and narrow. Before she could lean closer to catch a glimpse of the arm she assumed was attached to the hand, the plate was pulled into the confines of the room and the door slid shut.

 

* * *

 

“Sir.” Hux lifted his chin though he did not turn from the transparasteel. The officer behind him evidently did not take his tilt of the head as a signal to continue, as it was intended, so Hux waved a hand instead. “We have received words from the Knight’s ship. They have safely entered the Chronian system. The ship should be landing on Chrona in less than an hour.”

 

“And of the transports?”

 

“Safely arrived over 2 hours ago, sir. There has been no further contact.”

 

Hux nodded once, effectively dismissing the officer. His gaze returned to the endless sea of stars before him as he became lost in thought. At one time his only dream had been to gift them all to Rey in hopes that it would vanquish her attachment to The Resistance. How foolish he had been to think that he would be enough to make her stay. He hoped her transition from a Jedi to a Knight of Ren and the Master’s apprentice would be enough to secure her place in The First Order. She was one hell of a weapon to have in possession and Hux intended to use her to her full potential.

 

However, attempts to think of her as he would a simple warrior left him feeling as though he’d drunk stale Corellian wine.

 

Rey was a warrior, a profound one at that, who was also a Force Sensitive. There was no doubt in his mind that with Rey and Kylo in his ranks, The First Order would be able to conquer the galaxy, but he simply could not fathom ever thinking of Rey as a mere ploy. She was much more than that. She had found her way into his heart, and now he was paying the price for being so defenseless when it came to her.

 

Hux closed his eyes and let out a hard exhale through his nose, willing his mind to move on to other thoughts. He looked over to the chronometer on his desk.

 

It was only a matter of time before Phasma realized that two squadrons of her stormtroopers were missing, heading to a certain death. Had Akena Ren actually done as she was told and researched the base, she would have known that they were severely outnumbered by 200 to 1. Though the ‘troopers were not as strong as the Knights, they were trained from birth using a program that Hux devised himself. He knew they would take out at least half of the Resistance fighters before they expired.

 

Hux clenched his jaw, a compromise for the pacing he wished to do. The decision had been borderline reckless on his part. The Knights had returned from countless dangerous missions all somewhat intact, and the sudden loss of 40 stormtroopers would impact several planned raids but… He was allowing Rey to control his decisions again. If he was not careful, he could destroy all he had built just to protect her. The worst of it all being that she did not need his protection. When she initially arrived, it had taken 6 men and a tranquilizer to keep her from escaping her first time, and then 10 and a stronger dose the second. Though he did not trust Kylo, Akena, or Basha Ren to do as he instructed, he knew that they would do everything in their power to ensure Rey’s safe return. He need not intervene.

 

In the same thought, however, he did not regret his decision. He had dealt with Kylo’s wrath when he’d intervened before and as unpleasant as it was, he would suffer through the temper tantrum for Rey.

 

For what seemed like the thousandth time, Hux sighed as he came to the realization that he would, in fact, bring down the entire galaxy for Rey regardless of if she was still in love with him or not.

 

* * *

 

Several light years away, Rey was exiting her room. Akena was leaning against the wall next to her door, adjusting the holsters that were strapped to her thighs. She wore her usual attire of black pants and boots. Besides her lack of armor, she was wearing a complete shirt as opposed to her customary midsection baring turtlenecks. Rey raised an eyebrow in a silent question.

 

“I hate wearing those tunics and all those layers of padding! They slow me down. I mean, at least, this time, I wore a chest piece.” Akena knocked against her bosom to emphasize her point and it reverberated with a dull thud under her knuckles. Rey snorted a laugh as she checked her own holsters. Blaster, check. Shotgun, check. Collapsible staff, check. She seemed to have everything. “I never trained with all those things, so I don’t see the purpose of it all,” Akena added.

 

“Like saving your life?” Rey said.

 

Akena laughed as though the thought was ridiculous and pushed against Rey’s side so they wouldn’t miss their turn. The rest of the Knights of Ren were silently gathered around the ramp of the ship. They all stood facing the closed metal opening. That is until she was sensed by her Master.

 

The intimidating figure of Kylo Ren emerged from the head of the line and stalked towards the pair. Rey’s eyes scanned him for any sign of an attack, but she found none. He stopped in front of them.

 

“Rey.”

 

Was she still to call him “Master” after what he had done? Though Rey never had a Master before him, she was intelligent enough to know the difference between the way Kylo treated a fellow Knight and how he treated an enemy. What happened in the training room had been an attack.

 

Sensing an impending confrontation, Akena bowed her head respectfully, though she didn’t bother to mask the disdain she felt for her brother at the moment. “Master.” She sent Rey a parting glance before joining the rest of the Knights.

 

Kylo gestured for Rey to lead them away from the group but she remained planted in her spot. A faint sigh could be heard coming from him when he realized that Rey hadn’t forgiven him. Though it was expected, he had hoped her becoming a Knight would soften her contempt towards him.

 

“A moment?” He asked, once again gesturing to her.

 

Rey stood in her place for several seconds before she reluctantly pivoted and returned the way she and Akena had come. Kylo hadn’t been expecting her to stop just around the corner and if he hadn’t had good reflexes he would have run into her back. Rey leaned against the wall, eyes trained on his body.

 

Their breathing, his magnified by the modulator in his mask, was the only sound between them for several moments. Suddenly, behind his visor, Kylo’s eyes fell from Rey’s face as he reached for his belt. Her body tensed. If he was going to kill her, she would not go down without a fight. She had beat him several times, a handful of those times unarmed while he lunged at her with staffs and wooden lightsabers in hand. She could and would do it again.

 

Instead of producing his own weapon, Kylo held two hilts in his hand.

 

“These are for you.”

 

Her eyes shot to his visor. “Two?”

 

“Consider it an…”

 

“Apology?” Rey tried.

 

“Yes.”

 

Rey made to grab the lightsabers but Kylo’s hand gripped them tighter. She deflated a little and returned her gaze to his visor though she could only see darkness where his eyes would be.

 

“You must learn to obey me, my apprentice. I only wish to teach you the ways of the Force.”

 

She nodded, repeating the words he had once coached her to say. “Yes, Master.” She tried unsuccessfully to pull the lightsabers from his grip once more.

 

“How is your head?”

 

“It’s fine, thank you.” She managed not to spit the words in anger, an accomplishment in and of itself.  Another tug. His grip didn’t slack in the least.

 

“Are you well enough to fight?”

 

“Yes.” She tugged harder and sighed when he didn’t release them. “Kylo-Master, is there anything else you wish to ask me?”

 

A pause.

 

He uncurled his fingers and Rey pulled the lightsabers to her chest before he could change his mind. Only when Kylo’s hands met around his back and he stepped aside did she take a moment to observe the lightsabers. Both of their handles were crafted with care, and by how smooth the metals were she could tell they were of high quality. They were near identical, predominately black and molded to fit her hands perfectly, except one had two emitters rather than one. Turning the hilt horizontally, Rey pressed the activation switch.

 

“Woah.” Rey stared at the two brilliant streams of plasma in wonder. How long had it been since she had seen, let alone owned, a lightsaber? She had lost count over the months, but one thing was for sure: they were still one of the most beautiful things she had ever laid eyes on.

 

Kylo placed a hand on top of hers and lowered the saber staff away from her face. “Careful. A decapitated apprentice will be of no use for me.”

 

Rey cracked a faint smile and deactivated the weapon. She stuck them in the highest pocket on her cargo pants for safe keeping.

 

The unexpected presence of Kylo’s hand on her cheek caused her to freeze. The leather of his gloves smelled faintly of iron, reminding Rey of the hours she’d spent teetering by the waist, halfway buried in the engine of a TIE Fighter before she became a Knight. His hand slid down to grasp her chin and tilt her head to look at him. She searched the visor for his eyes even though she knew it was no use. Still, it was unnerving to not know where his eyes were traveling. “You will not fail me, Rey.”

 

* * *

 

Standing between Kylo and Akena, as the former briefed the Knights on the mission for the last time, barely helped Rey’s anxiety when she learned that the shuttles they were entering were heading for Chrona. Why it had taken her so long to remember that Chrona was the home of The Resistance’s flight school, Rey did not know. She had traveled there several times with Poe Dameron...who spent the majority of his free time at the school.

 

Rey’s stomach felt uneasy at the thought of having to fight her former friend. Though they were never very close, he meant a lot to Finn and more than likely still does. She took a deep breath, reminding herself that she would have to come face to face with her old friend one day. She knew that when she chose to give in to the dark side. The question of whether she would be capable of carrying out the attack or not was one in its own.

 

“Hey,” Akena whispered before she took one of Rey’s hands in hers. She gave her sister a reassuring smile while pushing waves of comfort her way. Rey would do just fine, she had more than enough confidence in that. Rey’s lips lifted in an uncertain smile and Akena gave her hand another squeeze as their shuttle landed.

 

Rey took a look around the transport, only recognizing Basha in his checkered mask  on the other side of Kylo. She didn’t even know which one was Pauel. There was a knight with an array of weapons strapped to his chest, and behind Akena was another who wore a gas mask. There was another she didn’t recognize in a mask with a T-shaped opening, presumably to allow him to see and talk without many restrictions. Rey squinted in an effort to see through the slits.

 

“Boo!” Rey jumped back, pressing a shaking hand over her fluttering heart. A collective groan sounded throughout the shuttle as Pauel laughed at his sister’s startled expression. “Sorry babe, couldn’t help myself.” He punched her on the shoulder, and Rey couldn’t help but crack a smile at the way he laughed with little hiccups.

 

Akena dropped Rey’s hand to adjust their masks, murmuring something about identity. She pressed the hidden switch on Rey's that activated her voice modulator and readjusted her hood. Finally satisfied, Akena took Rey's hand once again with a smile. “Ready, Kira?”

 

Kira? Oh, right. The name they'd chosen to call her when on the battlefield. The shuttle jolted as it opened, and the ramp began its descent to the ground.

 

“Fuck.”

 

Well, fuck was right. The lot in front of the school was littered with Resistance fighters and stormtroopers alike. X-Wings and TIE Fighters whizzed by overhead, shooting in hopes of disarming one another. Rey looked between the lengthy gray building housing, 100s of various weapons and the 4 TIE Fighters currently being hunted by dozens of X-Wings. One thing went through her mind: they were in way over their heads.

 

 _Stay in my line of vision at all times._ Her eyes snapped towards her leader. His head was turned to her.

 

_Do you think that I am not capable of taking care of myself?_

 

 _You are stronger than you know. I do this only for you._ Kylo started off the ship and she had no choice but to follow when Akena trekked off the shuttle after him with her hand still holding Rey’s.

 

As they emerged from the jungle surrounding the flight school, Rey could only imagine how menacing they looked to anyone who was watching. A group of masked killers dressed in black carrying an array of weapons including one who had nearly an entire armory strapped to his chest, lead by Kylo Ren. They were not halfway across the duracrete when the first living Resistance fighter was spotted and shot down.

 

“There’s something else I need to tell y-” An alarm blared overhead, interrupting Akena. Despite that, a smile rose to Akena’s lips as she sang, “Looks like we’ve got company guys!”

 

Resistance fighters ran from an open hangar door, weapons poised to strike and shoot down the Knights.  Akena released Rey’s hand to pull out her weapon: dual shoto-style lightsabers. Rey pulled her own lightsaber out and activated it just in time to stop a blaster bolt from hitting her between the eyes. Akena spun her 'saber in front of Rey to deflect another bolt.

 

“Come on, Kira!” And Akena was gone, sprinting off towards a group of blaster carrying Resistance fighters. Right. Her. She was Kira.

 

There was movement behind her. Rey spun around and slashed through someone’s arm. He screamed and clutched the nub left behind, leaving him vulnerable. She promptly decapitated the fighter and ran, looking for Akena and any of her brothers. She couldn’t run and hide in the shuttle as she wished to, this was her test and she had to pass it.

 

At that moment, an explosion shook the ground.

 

Kylo’s voice rung out in her head. “ _WHERE ARE YOU?!”_

 

The smell of burning oils and screams filled the air. Looking farther into the hangar, she found the explosion had come from the destruction of many X-Wings. There were pieces of the starfighters raining down and scattering along the floor.

 

Rey jolted as someone’s back hit hers. She spun around while raising the hilt of her lightsaber, finger poised over the activation button until she saw a gas mask.

 

“Get a grip, will ya?” His yell was distorted by his voice modulator, but there was no questioning the agitation in his voice. “Akena needs help, go be useful!” He hefted a large bloodied blade, one nearly the length of Rey’s body, above his head and cleaved a Resistance fighter in half.

“Go!”

 

Rey tore her eyes away from the twitching body parts when he dug a padded elbow into her side. It took her a moment to calm her swirling thoughts and emotions enough to reach out to Akena. She pinpointed her location and found her surrounded by at least 7 fighters aggressively coming at her from all angles. He wasn’t wrong. Of course, Akena was strong, she was in tune with the Force and undoubtedly skillful, but one could only hold off a crowd without getting injured for so long. Rey launched into a full run, activating her lightsaber to clear her path to her sister.

 

It became unclear to her how many people she had cut down by the time she reached the gaggle of fighters aiming blasters and sharp weapons at Akena’s body, and she could not recount how many she decapitated until she found herself next to her. Akena’s once tight braids were now frazzled, and one hung lower than the other. Her face was covered in a thick layer of sweat and there was a large burn on her left thigh, visible through the charred hole in her trousers.

 

 _I’m okay._ Akena’s voice was but a faint whisper in her mind.

 

Rey nodded to her before turning to strike a fighter across the shoulder. Her thoughts focused on aiding her injured sister, and that alone. Hundreds of faces fell into her view, entering twisted with rage and leaving filled with shock as their bodies fell to the ground, but she recognized none. It wasn’t until she pulled her ‘saber back to deal a fatal blow to the heart of the final standing fighter, and shoving him to the side, that she finally saw something familiar.

 

Pauel took in her disheveled appearance; the streaks and splatters of blood on her clothes, the buzzing lightsaber, the enraged look in her eyes, and chuckled. With a slight shake of the head, he slid an arm around her shoulders. He offered the other arm to Akena, who had been bent over with her hands on her knees. Pauel instead threw her arm over his shoulder and tucked his around her waist.

 

“She’s too stubborn to let me carry her.” He stage-whispered to Rey, wincing when the ‘she’ he was referring to aimed a rather aggressive slap at his metal helmet.

 

“Did we get what we need?” Akena grunted.

 

“Yep.” Pauel replied with an emphasis on the ‘p’.

 

“Good. Maybe General Hux and Supreme Leader will finally get off of our asses about this information.” Pauel snorted a laugh in agreement.

 

At the mention of Hux, Rey felt a sudden pang in her heart. She would be back on a ship with him in 2 days. Would it be accurate to call him an ex-boyfriend? They weren’t together anymore, she herself made that very clear when he inquired about her and Kylo’s relationship. Rey wanted to slap herself for being so stupid. She didn’t mean any of what she had said. She was aware of how much he’d struggled with letting her in. She knew how difficult it was for him to push his insecurities aside. Memories of the days they spent arguing and then trying to fix their problems raced through her mind.

 

There was so much to say, so much to apologize for. So many words she wished she could take back. So many arguments she ended with silence when she should have spoken. There were so many loose ends to be tied up before they could even begin to fathom having a proper breakup.  They were not finished, not yet.

 

Rey tripped, the shock from the fall and the pain that radiated from her knees after landing on the duracrete was enough to pull her from her thoughts. She looked behind her to see just what it was. Her mouth fell agape. No...it couldn’t be. Reaching over, Rey swept the dark hair away from the person’s face.

 

“Couldn’t let Akena be the only injured one, huh?” Pauel teased as he offered her a hand. Rey was snapped from her thoughts at the sound of his voice and turned to glare at him. Pauel’s eyes moved from his proffered hand to hers several times before she groaned and slipped her hand into his. She winced as she stood, feeling the skin on her knees tear even more. She bit her lip until it nearly bled to keep herself from screaming the rest of the way to the shuttle.

 

Rey fell to the ground just inside of the door, ripped her boots off and rolled her pant legs up to view the wound that had begun to bleed heavily.

 

Basha descended upon her immediately, pulling her mask and hood from her head. “You did well.” He assured her as he sat down with a white first aid kit and opened it.

 

Rey could only nod, sagging against the wall of the shuttle. She closed her eyes, trying to process all that had just happened. There was an excited buzz about the shuttle as many of the other Knights spoke of war and their kills and, for a moment, Rey felt as though she had let them down for not feeling the same. She couldn’t sense any serious injuries on anyone besides Akena, just grazes and knicks here and there. There had been hundreds of Resistance fighters, pilots and pilots in training there and only 7 of them and yet….so many good people had perished that day. So many people would never go home, smile again, feel the wind or the sun or the rain on their skin.

 

Her mood plummeted even further when she realized that there had been children of all ages there at the school. Did they make it out alive? She could feel no other living beings about her other than her fellow Knights. Who had been the ones to strike them down? Basha put pressure on her injured knees, making her hiss. He murmured his apology, his breath brushing against her sensitive wounds.

 

“That was exactly what I needed.” One of the Knights sighed. “Nothing like ridding the galaxy of Rebels early in the morning. I’m hoping for the main base soon.” The others made sounds of agreement, all except Rey. She couldn’t stop seeing the face of the person she had tripped over. Their brown eyes had stared at her in frozen fear. She had seen the expression several times, but nothing could have prepared her for seeing such an expression on Jessika Pava’s face.

 

Rey had smiled with her, laughed with her, raced against her, hugged her. She was one of her best friends, and she had helped lead an attack that ended her life. What had become of Poe? He had to be safe, his name would have been mentioned by then. But what would he think? It was no secret that Poe adored her, maybe even above the other pilots. An image of Poe’s hysterical face as he stared at Jessika’s cold body flashed behind her eyelids. Rey’s eyes shot open as she felt tears gathering in them.

 

Basha had finished cleaning and bandaging her knees long before then. He had left her and gone to check on Akena, and Rey couldn’t have been more thankful. The last thing she needed was for the Knights to see her cry over a Rebel.

 

The shuttle reached their ship in minutes and Rey was the first one on board. She did not care to have drinks and socialize knowing that the fate of a dear friend had happened in most part, because of her. After all, she was the one to accidentally slip the first letters of Chrona to Kylo so long ago. But Rey had expected them to change planets, much like they did with their main base after The First Order successfully raided D’Qar. The thought sent a wave of grief to her heart.

 

Rey tapped in the code to her room and barely managed to close it behind her before she sunk to the ground. She clamped a hand over her mouth to stop the sounds of her cries from traveling, but it was futile with a ship full of force sensitives. Minutes later, waves of reassurance and calmness washed over her from Akena and Basha. They didn’t stop until Rey pushed against their presences. As she pulled her knees to her chest and wrapped her arms around her legs, Rey came to the realization that maybe _she_ was the one way in over her head.

 


	7. Emotions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been a long timee, as usual. Hopefully, you all find it worth it. I think this is the longest chapter I've written for this story o.o I'm really happy with it and I hope you are too. As usual, leave your thoughts, criticism, etc in the comments section! And of course you can always reach me on Tumblr: FortheloveofKlonnie :) Thank you for reading and supporting this story. I never thought I'd make it this far <3
> 
> Thank you to: Starshine-galaxy on Tumblr for being my amazing beta :)

Akena threw back four shots in quick succession. The potent liquid burned her throat, but growing up around alcohol absorbing brothers taught her to build her tolerance quickly or be left passed out on the ground. Shaking her head when Pauel offered a refill, she opted for sliding onto the floor from her stool.

 

“This is ridiculous, I’m going to talk to her.”

 

“You know that’s not your place,” Pauel commented as he cleared the bar top.

 

“She needs someone! What am I supposed to do? Disable the food droid and wait until she gets hungry enough to come out for food?”

 

Basha sighed from a nearby couch. “No, if you go comfort Rey, Kylo will not have to and he will never learn how to be a true master.”

 

“Well, I’m tired of waiting.” She lowered her voice. “He failed at training Keir, I won’t wait until he’s done the same to Rey.”

 

“Keir is not an easy person to train and it was wrong of me to push that responsibility onto Kylo,” Pauel interjected. “In his defense, there was no single master that could control Keir the first few months he arrived.”

 

“Just like Rey.”

 

“Have you no faith in Master Kylo?” Basha said.

 

Akena replied with an edge to her voice. “Not after what he did to her. I’m not even sure if _I_ trust him.”

 

“You barely know the girl, ‘Kena. You’ve known Kylo since you were 9 years old. Do not throw that all away. We don’t even know if she’s going to last.” Basha spoke the last sentence with reluctance.

 

“She will. I believe in her.”

 

“Akena.” Pauel came around the bar and grabbed her by the shoulders. “I believe in her too, but I also believe in Kylo. Yeah, he’s an impatient, irrational asshole at times, but we know he can also be gentle. You don’t remember the way he kept you entertained during meetings when you were little?”

 

“Don’t try and guilt trip me.” She said despite the smile that rose to her lips. A faint memory of the panic that erupted from Pauel’s Force signature when Snoke broke Kylo’s concentration and a thick pack of crayons came crashing down on her head. She’d never seen Pauel so angry, yelling at Kylo about responsibility while Basha wiped the remainder of her tears away. As a result, she had a large bump on the crown of her head for a week. Then, for an entire month, guilt flashed across Kylo's face every time he looked at her.  It had been years since she’d seen him express that emotion, and with a sigh, Akena remembered that the shy, awkward Kylo who amazed her with his abilities was not the same Kylo who now ruled as her Master. “He’s not like that anymore.”

 

Pauel nodded in agreement before adding, “Just...don’t give up on him yet.”

 

Akena stared defiantly at Pauel. He fixed her with an almost challenging glare until she caved with a roll of the eyes. “I never gave up on him. He’s my brother and I love him. He’s the one who gave up on me.”

 

“‘Kena-”

 

“I’m just...going to bed. I’ll give him 4 hours, if he hasn’t talked to her, then I’m going and neither of you are going to stop me.” She looked them both in the eyes to emphasize her point before turning away.

 

Sighing at Akena’s retreating figure, Basha turned his gaze to Pauel. “You mind setting me up a  row of 8? I can’t get through the next few hours sober.”

 

Pauel shook his head and returned to the bar. “I’ll double it and skip the mixers, we need it.” He said, reaching under the counter for clean shot glasses.

 

* * *

 

“Kriffing-” Rey caught the lamp just mere seconds before it fell to the ground. Despite the many hours she spent meditating, learning, burning the power of levitation into her mind, she could not seem to keep the lamp in the air. With a frown of resignation, Rey set the lamp back onto her nightstand and took a moment to recuperate.

 

She spent months without the feeling of the Force surrounding and flowing through her, something she had begun to find comfort in when the horrifying reality that _she owned absolutely nothing, not even a last name,_ settled on her chest. Though the _Millennium Falcon_ had become a part of her existence, she did not truly own it. No matter how many times she piloted it, no matter how many missions she would complete with it, it would never truly belong to anyone but Han Solo and Chewbacca. At least on Jakku, she had her plant and several other trinkets.

 

Rey shook her head to clear her thoughts. It wasn’t fair of her to think of The Resistance so negatively when they gave her what she lacked on Jakku: purpose, excitement, happiness, and friends who adored her. _Well,_ a voice inside her head added tauntingly, _not enough to attempt a second rescue._

 

No, no, no, she was not going to have that internal fight again. She wasn’t going to put herself through the Resistance vs First Order argument anymore. That alone caused her more stress than she needed. Still, if Rey hadn’t gotten comfortable with The First Order and Kylo Ren hadn’t begun training her then she wouldn’t have slipped Chrona’s name to him and the invasion wouldn’t have happened. Jessika could have been saved.

 

_You mustn’t think that way, my apprentice._

 

Rey jumped as a voice spoke to her. The presence accompanying it was dark and heavy, holding much emotion in its word. She immediately raised her mental barriers, cursing when she realized that she had left herself vulnerable to attack.

 

_Stay away from my mind!_

 

 _You were broadcasting your thoughts to me._ Kylo deadpanned.

 

Rey huffed. Could the man choose one emotion and stick to it? His ever changing mood often gave her the equivalent to mental whiplash. _My apologies. Ignore them all._

 

_Do you wish to speak with me?_

 

_No._

 

Irritation flared from his side of the bond. _I am your Master, Rey. You are to speak to me if there is any doubt in your mind of where you belong._

 

_You weren’t behaving as a Master should when you invaded my mind, why should I come to you while in distress if I can’t trust you not to nearly kill me?_

 

_I apologized for my lapse in judgment, I was under the impression that we had moved passed this._

 

 _You were wrong._ Rey closed her side of the bond. She didn’t want to talk to Kylo. He would only make things worse. Sighing, she closed her eyes and focused on the lamp. She had just gotten it off of the nightstand when she heard that irritating voice calling her name once more.

 

Rey’s eyes snapped open. The lamp landed back into its previous position with a thud.

 

_I said get out of my-_

 

“I’m not in your mind!”

 

Oh.

 

Sliding off of her bed, Rey meandered over to her door. “What do you want, Kylo?”

 

“I am still your-” He took a deep breath. Getting angry over not being called a simple title would not help his case. “You need someone to speak with.”

 

“No, I don’t.”

 

“I was in your position before. You do, or else nothing will be solved.” The slight slur of his words led Rey to believe that his teeth were clenched.

 

“I don’t want to talk with you.”

 

“Then listen to me?”

 

“No.”

 

“I could command you to listen.” He said with a hint of playfulness in his tone.

 

Rey did not follow suit. “I could disobey your command.”

 

“And I could ground you.”

 

“You can’t do that!” She scoffed.

 

“I can and I-” Kylo paused. He heard the same conversation happening between himself and his-General Leia Organa countless times. It always ended going her way. “I can and I will.” He finished weaker than he intended to. An image of a petite brown haired woman with angered brown eyes and her fists on her cocked hips flitted through his mind.

 

Seconds later, Rey’s door opened, but she stood in the doorway. Her arms were crossed over her chest, lips pulled into a pinched pout. Kylo had won, maybe for the first and last time, and she knew it.

 

“May I?” He gestured behind her.

 

“No, we can talk here.”

 

Kylo sighed her name with a slight shake of the head.

 

“We are all ‘family’ right? Nobody minds.”

 

“The sooner we speak in private, the sooner I will leave you be.”

 

Kylo saw the gears turning in her head. He also noticed the moment when she realized that it would be best to accept his request. She didn’t invite him in per se, but instead left the door open behind her as she walked back to her bed. Rey pulled a pillow into her lap and leaned back against the headboard. The look she directed towards him is not inviting in the least.

 

“How are you feeling?”

 

“I’m fine.”

 

“I can feel your distress from my room.”

 

“I apologize.” She doesn’t mean it.

 

He said nothing for a while, and Rey was hoping he was considering leaving. But then, he said, “This is about the pilot.”

 

Rey scoffed, but said nothing.

 

“Jessika Pava,” he continued, taking measured steps towards her bed. “She was shot out of the sky by a TIE Fighter, and somehow survived the crash.”

 

Rey’s eyes wandered away from him.

 

Kylo continued mercilessly. “She may have gotten away, had it not been for-”

 

“I don’t wanna know.”

 

“Because it could have been you.” He finished, and Rey hated how sure of himself he sounded.

 

“Was it? Did I kill her?”

 

“You don’t want to know, remember?”

 

“Did I kill her, Kylo?” She asked once again, anger weaving through her words.

 

“We must begin our training sessions if you wish to reach your full potential.”

 

Rey glared at him in response.

 

Silence settled around them for the second time. Just as Rey was sure Kylo finally understood that it was best he take his leave, something caught his eye and he stalked closer. Rey instinctively tensed as he drew near until she realized that he was focused not on her, but the dresser beside her bed. Still, she watched him closely. Ignoring her, Kylo curled a hand around the knob on the top drawer and pulled it open. There was a faint hiss that failed to be filtered out by the modulator in his mask before he pulled the lightsabers out of the drawer.

 

“Your lightsabers are your most valuable weapons.” He said, his gaze not leaving the devices. There’s a fleeting moment where Rey wished he wasn’t wearing his mask so she could gauge his emotions. He had closed his side of their bond the moment he stepped over her threshold.

 

“I know.” She answered.

 

“Then why were they hidden ?”

 

“I didn’t want to look at them.”

 

He tilted his head, his voice softer than before. “Why?”

 

“They made me uncomfortable.”

 

“Because they came from me?”

 

“Because I killed for The First Order for the first time using them. I don’t know how I feel about it all yet.”

 

“You are keeping them?”

 

“I’m upset with you, not the gifts you gave me.” It would have been a joke, delivered with a slight quirk of her rose lips, if she had forgiven him as she thought she had when receiving the lightsabers.

 

“You’re contradicting yourself.”

 

“I apologize.”

 

“Now you’re deflecting.”

 

“Am I? Hm.” Rey shrugged. Kylo snarled before he could help himself.

 

“Maybe you’re just upset that you used them against The Resistance.”

 

“Maybe.”

 

“That was the purpose of their craft: to use against The Resistance.”

 

“I’m aware.”

 

“You’re upset about the death of the pilot. You feel as though it’s your fault that she is dead.”

 

Rey pushed herself into a sitting position, and Kylo almost smiled just knowing that he was cracking her icy exterior. “You know her name.”

 

“I do,” Kylo answered, blatantly refusing to call her by her name more than once.

 

“ _Jessika_ was my friend.”

 

“You never mentioned her individually. Only as an extension of Dameron and FN-21-”

 

“And _Finn_ ,” Rey said through clenched teeth.

 

“You are more upset that you hurt something so close to those you love, so close to the place you felt the safest, than you are about her as an individual person,” Kylo told her.

 

Rey shot up from her bed, standing toe to toe with Kylo. One of her arms shot out behind her as she growled, “Get. Out.”

 

Kylo made to step closer to her, but quickly decided that he had said all he would that night. He offered Rey the lightsabers. She snatched them out of his grasp without breaking their stare. Satisfied, he left her to herself.

 

Once the door slid closed behind him, Rey tossed the lightsabers to the foot of her bed and fell back onto it with a groan. She grabbed the pillow and hugged it to her chest. She did not fight against the urge to sleep by drinking several cups of caf as she normally would. Instead, she allowed the soft whir of the ship to take her away from reality for a while.

 

* * *

 

“Oomf.”

 

“Stars! What the-” Rey lunged for the top drawer of her nightstand. When she finally managed to pull it open, she reached inside and...it was empty. “Kriffing-”

 

“Rey!” The lump that startled her out of her dreams hefted itself off of her legs and onto the mattress next to her.

 

When she recognized the voice, Rey mumbled something that only made sense in her hazy mind and flopped back onto her pillow. She turned onto her side and was met by the sight of Akena.

 

“Hey!” The girl smiled, and her pearly teeth were the only defining thing Rey could make out about her in the inky room.

 

“Why?” Rey grumbled.

 

“It’s been 3 hours! If I let you sleep any longer, you won’t be able to rest before we land back onto _The Finalizer_.” Using the Force, Akena turned the lamp on. Rey groaned loudly and covered her eyes with her hands.

 

“I don’t need rest then. I’ll just go straight to bed.”

 

“Noo, you can’t. When we return from a successful mission, we have a feast to celebrate! And it’ll be your first, meaning you’re the guest of honor! You get to sit at the head of the table and you get the first plate! Oh, do you know your birthday? Because we have an even bigger feast! There’s singing and dancing and we even have a bust made for you. Believe it or not, the best singer here is Basha. And the best dancer-” Akena paused. By the time Rey noticed the lull in the conversation and slowly peeled her hands away from her eyes, Akena’s brown eyes had redirected themselves to Rey’s blanket. She was plucking at some loose threads.

 

“Anyways, it’s tradition we spend the last night together before returning to _The Finalizer_.” She looked up from the task and met Rey’s eyes. “So...will you come celebrate with us?”

 

“I’m really not feeling up to it.”

 

Akena sagged. “It was Kylo wasn’t it? While I respect him, he isn’t the best with his words sometimes.”

 

“Partially. I just want to sleep.”

 

“Just for an hour? Then we’ll leave you be.”

 

Sighing, Rey relented. Akena smiled and bounded from the room with the promise of coming back in 15 minutes if Rey isn’t out by then. Rey groaned and buried her face into her pillow.

 

* * *

 

“Hey sis, feeling better?” Pauel smirked at Rey as she hoisted herself onto a bar stool. His smile fell when she promptly laid her forehead on the wooden counter. “I’ll take that as a no. What can I get for you?”

 

“The usual.” She sighed after a beat, lifting her head to place her chin in the palm of her hand. He gave her an amused look before he turned to grab a clean glass from a cabinet. Pauel flipped and twirled the bottles and glasses in his arms, and Rey couldn’t help but smile at his showboating.

 

After taking the time to mix the concoction in a manual shaker, Pauel poured the drink into it’s designated glass and slid it over to her. “One drink for my newest sister, Rey.”

 

Rey smiled, well she attempted to. Instead, it came out like a pained twitch of the lips and judging by Pauel’s frown, it wasn’t pretty. Rey turned her attention to her drink as she felt her cheeks burn. “Thanks.”

 

“No problem.” Pauel ran a rag over the counter before throwing it over his shoulder.“Now you mind telling me why you look like you just fell face first in Basha waste?”

 

“You mean bantha?”

 

“Same difference.” Pauel bent across the bar, leaning so close that his nose brushed hers.

 

She wrinkled her nose when his warm breath fell over her face. “You’re disgusting.”

 

“You love me.” He licked his lips and pressed a wet kiss to the tip of her nose, promptly releasing a loud laugh when Rey recoiled.

 

She wiped his saliva off with the sleeve of her shirt as she said, “I’ve only known you for-what-3 days?”

 

“And yet…” He allowed his words to trail off and righted himself as he leveled her with an accusatory gaze.

 

“Leave the girl alone, Pauel!” Came a voice from behind Rey. A moment later, and hand clasped her shoulder and she was used as leverage for a man nearly 3 times her size as he struggled to get onto his bar stool.

 

“Stars, don’t break her!” Pauel grabbed the man’s free arm to stabilize him.

 

The man gave her a once over once he was situated, and then broke into a bout of laughter. “Ah, she’s a tough one. I couldn’t break her if I tried.” He chuckled once more before extending a hand to Rey. “Laelius.”

 

“I’m Rey.” She offers him a false smile and limply shook his hand. Then, she lifted a hand to rub the shoulder he pressed all 200 pounds of himself into.

 

3 drinks later and it didn’t matter.

 

Pauel was more of a jokester than Rey could have imagined, and though Laelius’ humor was  a bit...darker, he managed to pull a few laughs out of her.

 

Laelius pointed to Rey’s right, nearly poking her in the nose as he exclaimed, “Tell that little brother of yours to pull the stick out of his ass and come join us.”

 

Pauel rolled his eyes. “Keir, wanna come join us?”

 

“No.” Rey twisted her in the seat and scanned the number of black couches and chairs spread about the room. Directly behind her, an action holomovie played on a mounted vidscreen. Basha was sprawled on the couch nearest to the door, his head in Akena’s lap as he sleepily muttered his way through a conversation with her. She just spotted a pair of black boots hanging over the arm of a chair positioned directly in front of the holomovie.

 

“Well, I tried. I told ya, the kid doesn’t like me.”

 

Laelius chuckled as he lifted his shot glass to his lips. “I know. That’s why I asked ya.”

 

“Kriffin’  asshole.”

 

“You love it.”

 

Rey couldn’t help but laugh at Pauel’s exasperated purse of the lips. “Karma.” She offered when he looked at her. Rey jumped from her bar seat when he leaned over the bar threateningly, just barely escaping a second wet kiss on her nose.

 

“Pauel!”

 

“I didn’t do anything!”

 

Akena slid out from under Basha’s head and made her way to the group. “See, this is why we can’t have nice things. You ruin it!” She slid an arm around Rey’s shoulder. “Feeling better?”

 

Rey smiled. “Yes, thank you.”

 

She pulled Rey closer and lowered her voice. “Good, because between me and you, being stuck with guys for almost 10 years really sucks.”

 

“Thanks for being so good to us,” Pauel said dryly.

 

“Hey, no one told you lot to eavesdrop. See what happens? You get your feelings hurt.”

 

“Aw, fuck you too, ‘Kena!” Laelius nudged her with the knuckles of his free hand. He threw back another shot immediately after.

 

“You barely come out of your room! You have no right to judge you big lump of-”

 

“Alright, break it up you two. Can we at least try not to destroy this lounge? We just a got a new one.” Pauel begged, but he was widely ignored when Laelius slid off of his bar stool.

 

“You don’t wanna do this right now, little sister.” He warned, the threat of combat flashing in his brown eyes.

 

Akena grinned. “Oh, I do.” Laelius returned the expression as he tied his long black hair into a ponytail.

 

“Guys.” Now Pauel was whining. Rey wasn’t sure who to watch: Pauel with his pouted lips or Akena and Laelius moving to a less cluttered area in the lounge.

 

“I got 20 galactic credits on my sister,” Basha announced as he rose from the couch, obviously deciding that his nap could wait. When Akena nodded to him in appreciation, his lips curled into a small smile.

 

“That’s the best you can do? 30 credits says Laelius will crush her!” An almost childish voice yelled over the chaos.

 

“Fuck you, Keir!” Akena replied.

 

Rey looked back at Pauel to find him looking at the growing bets with exasperation. He rolled his blue eyes. “Aw, fuck it,” He growled under his breath before hoisting himself over the bar. He pulled two credit chips from his pocket and held them above his head. “Rey and I got 500 on my girl Akena! Sorry Laelius, but she’s no joke.”

 

“Pull your heads out of your asses, the both of ya!” Laelius exclaimed, swatting the air next to him as though dismissing the pair. He raised his fists in front of his face, watching her closely between his wrists. Akena seemed unbothered by the action. She held no fighting stance, choosing instead to stand with her feet parted and hands behind her back. Raising her chin, she silently dared him to make the first strike.

 

A hush had fallen over the room sometime between Pauel’s declaration and Laelius’ insult, casting an adrenaline-charged atmosphere over the room. Eyes darted back and forth between the two, excitedly awaiting the first hit.

 

Laelius barked a laugh when Akena failed to come at him, and she raised an eyebrow in response. Rey could almost hear Basha’s voice in her mind as she looked at a near carbon copy of his fighting stance. _Patience,_ he’d tell her after knocking her onto her back once again. _You want your enemies to underestimate you._

 

Seconds ticked by with little to no movement from either party until Laelius finally lunged forward. He stopped just short of Akena’s reach when an ear-splitting bell cut through the tension in the room.

 

“Aw, fucking hell!” Laelius exclaimed as he pressed the palms of his hands over his ears. Everyone followed suit, annoyance written on their faces. Everyone except for Akena.

 

Akena relaxed out of her stance and stomped over to the bar with her face twisted into a mask of anger, the only one unaffected by the sound. She reached just beyond Rey and plucked a datapad off of the wooden bar top. With a few taps, the bell stopped. While every other occupant in the room let out a sigh of relief, her frown only deepened.

 

“General Fuckface won’t stop blowing up my datapad.” Akena rolled her eyes.

 

“When you took the role of informant, what did you expect?” Pauel taunted. He, of anyone, knew how annoying the General could be when a report of the mission wasn’t delivered to him in a timely fashion. After all, he was the proud _former_ informant.

 

Akena swatted his arm.

 

“Why do we have to report to the little bastard anyway? He’s below us.” Nearly all of the  Knights seemed to agree with Laelius. Rey had become focused on her half-finished meiloorun and wine mixture.

 

“Well I quit, and who ever takes the job from me gets to keep my datapad. It’s not worth being annoyed by this pest anymore.”

 

No one said anything.

 

“Anyone? It’s the newest edition.” Akena’s voice took a pleading tone. Basha had suddenly become interested in the holomovie and Laelius was quietly conversing with a young boy with dark green hair who - Rey assumed - was Keir. Akena turned to Pauel, who had been looking everywhere but at her.

 

“Pauel.”

 

“No.”

 

She sidled up to his side and wrapped her arms around him. “Pauel, look at mee.”

 

He sucked his teeth and reluctantly turned his head towards her. Akena leveled Pauel with a pout and widened brown eyes until he sagged in resignation.

 

“No volunteers?” Pauel asked. When there was not even a whisper from anyone, he sighed. “Alright. We’ll have to settle this the old fashion way then….not it!”

 

“Not it!”

 

“Not it!”

 

“Not it!”

 

“Not it!”

 

Rey barely had time to react, and even less to respond. Akena slid her datapad in front of the girl.

 

“I’m sorry sis, but I can’t take it anymore.” The datapad beeped, signaling another incoming message. Akena made a show of navigating through the device to show Rey where everything was. “The password is 0000, I’ve never been one for complicated codes. I’ve already written out the report, I just need you to, well, report it all to him. I’ve saved his contact numbers in this app, the black one with the 3 blue horizontal lines, and you can call him from there. The report and all my past ones are in the one that looks like a notepad, along with a little script of how the conversations usually follow, all the questions he usually asks, etcetera, etcetera.” Akena waved her hand about, signaling that it was all pretty boring to her.

 

“I’ve been trying to get General Bitch Face out of my life for the longest. I mean, I respect him, but I’d rather chew through my wrist than be handcuffed to him for a week.” Turning her eyes back to a balking Rey, Akena placed supportive hands on her shoulders. “I would really appreciate it if you could handle that soon. No rush, but soon.”

 

Rey nodded slowly, her eyebrows drawn close as she processed the information given to her.  “Uh yeah, I’ll get right to it.” She slid to the edge of her stool. A brown hand grabbed the bar in front of Rey’s abdomen in a death grip.

 

Rey met Akena’s glare with confusion in her eyes. The latter shook her head. “Not right now. It’s tradition.”

 

“It’ll only take a second, and then we won’t have to worry about hearing from him for the rest of the night.”

 

“Well...okay. But you have half an hour, and I better not catch you sleeping!” Akena sighed and stepped back so Rey could stand. “Promise?”

 

“You have my word.” Grabbing the datapad, Rey waved her goodbyes to everyone and shuffled off to her bedroom.

 

* * *

 

“Any word from the Knights Of Ren’s ship?”

 

“Not since 14:28 yesterday, sir.”

 

Hux nodded once, signaling for the communications officer to return to their work. He turned his attention back onto Lieutenant Mitaka. “The incompetence of those Knights never ceases to amaze me. Strive not to be like them.”

 

The young man nodded, soaking the information in. To him, Hux was nothing short of tenacious. He was the type of man that would lead The First Order to greatness and he handpicked Mitaka, the smallest in his rank, to mentor.

 

“Follow me.” Hux lead Mitaka to another portion of _The Finalizer._ Halfway through their commute, Hux’s datapad let out a small beep. Akena’s name flashed across the screen. If he hadn’t been in the public eye, Hux might have let out a breath of relief. Finally, the status of Rey’s health would not be a mystery. Instead, he pulled the earpiece attachment from the back of his datapad, placed it into his ear, and answered the call.

 

“Akena, I assume your report is complete?” There was a prolonged pause from the other side, one so long that he double checked to make sure he hadn’t accidently disconnected. He had heard the ringing of the call in his ear piece, so that could not have been the problem. “Is there anyone there?”

 

“Oh. I-I’m sorry. Hi, Hu-General.” Rey squeezed her hands in hope that it would calm her nerves.

 

It was his turn to take a pause. “Rey?”

 

“Yes, it’s-”

 

“One moment.” His side of the call fell quiet.

 

Rey closed her eyes and utilized one of the meditating techniques Kylo taught her. However, she could not focus with her brothers and sister tearing apart the lounge.

 

When the sound returned, it was nothing more than a loud shuffling. Rey opened her eyes just as her datapad’s screen flickered. There was a moment where it pixilated, and then Hux appeared. He was just as she left him, as she knew he would be. His hair was parted to the left, his green eyes focused on the screen, his gloved hands clasped in front of him. Just over his head was a First Order insignia, the epitome of who he was and what he represented.

 

“May I see you?”

 

“Huh?”

 

“Your camera is not turned on.”

 

It took a bit of fumbling and a few instructions from Hux, but it was worth it when Rey’s face appeared on his screen. A long sleeved black shirt covered what he could see of her from her neck down. Her brown hair had been pulled into a bun atop her head. More importantly, her eyes held no anger. She did not look as though she’d rather be doing anything else other than looking at him.

 

For several moments, no words were exchanged. They had been on the same ship only 3 days prior but hadn’t directly looked nor spoken to one another since..well, since Rey left him wondering if she had moved on.

 

Remembering what the call was for, Rey turned her gaze onto the toolbar at the bottom of the screen and navigated away from the communications app. She found the report and cleared her throat once more.

 

“Akena told me to read this to you: ‘The mission was a success. The First Order has acquired-” Hux called out to her, but she continued reading. “Two prisoners, one an experienced pilot and the other-”

 

“Rey.”

 

“...a technician who is believed to be privy  to important Resistance information…”

 

“Rey.”

 

“...we have sent the hostages back to _The Finalizer_ on a pod, as instructed by…”

 

“Rey, _please_.”

 

She stalled then. Hux was not one to beg, he had never been. The word had to be forced from his tongue, but it was said none-the-less.

 

Rey didn’t tap on the comm app just yet, her eyes still focused on the last words she had spoken out loud.

 

“You can send the report to me and I will begin working on the appropriate paperwork.”

 

Nodding, she closed the file and returned to the comm app. Hux’s image immediately filled her screen. It had only been 3 days, but it felt like months since she had seen him. Sometime during her report, he had picked up a pen and was twisting it in his hands. One of his few nervous habits, Rey noted.

 

There was so much to be said, but neither knew where to start. The last time she saw him, her words were clipped and measured. She had pretended that his gaze hadn’t burned into her, that if he had touched her she wouldn’t have dissolved into a sobbing mess. She had turned away when all he’d asked for was reassurance that he still held her heart.

 

“Are you well?”

 

Even after spending much of their relationship playing a lover’s game of tug-o-war with their emotions and each other, Rey was still not used to being an emotional person. It had shocked her when tears would not stop pouring from her eyes in the hours after Chrona. Jakku taught her to swallow her tears, that shedding them would only make it easier for her to die from dehydration. Still, it was something about the way Hux spoke to her with so much care that brought tears to her eyes.

 

“Don’t.” She shook her head. He had nearly spoken those same words to her during their last conversation. _Why did she walk away?_  No, she couldn’t think that way. She had done what she felt was right. “Can we just keep this professional? You’ve been worried about this report for hours now and-”

 

“And now it pales in comparison to my concern for you.” He edged closer to the datapad.

 

“Stop, just stop.” Rey covered her face with her hands. Hux allowed her a moment to compose herself, but there was nothing she could do without tears falling. Luckily, she had been able to reign in her emotions after those few fell before they resulted in her wailing to her...to Hux over live feed.

 

“Rey, do you feel safe where you are?” She nodded, but she knew she hadn’t fooled him when his frown deepened and he continued speaking. “I can dispatch a shuttle with lightspeed capabilities. It would have you back on _The Finalizer_ within an hour.”

 

Shaking her head, Rey swallowed her cries and wiped her cheeks.

 

“So you will be fine until your scheduled return?”

 

“Yes.”

 

“Alright.” Hux reclined in his chair, but the tension in his face did not ease. His gaze lingered on her red face and then the way her hands held onto her arms as she hugged herself. His datapad chose to beep then, reminding him that there were too many tasks for him to ignore any longer.

 

“I need to return to work.”

 

“I know.”

 

A pause.

 

“I will see you soon.”

 

Rey took a deep breath and nodded. “Yeah, see you tomorrow.”

 

Her gaze flickered to his gloved hand when it reached out to end that call. Her eyes then quickly ran over his features one last time before his semblance disappeared.

 

Just outside her door, there was a muffled sound of cheering and bumping. The promise she made to Akena flitted through her mind, but she wasn’t in the partying mood anymore. Seeing Hux had drained every bit of cheer she had felt in the lounge. _Akena will understand_ , she told herself. Rey grabbed a pillow and pressed it over her head to block out the sounds of laughter.

 


	8. Feast

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *taps mic* Anyone still out there? It's been awhile...again. I've had quite an eventful month, but I think things are starting to look up!  
>   
> On a happier note, I surpassed 100 kudos for this story!! Guys, this is so big for me as I didn't think I could write something worthy of 10 kudos, much less 100 kudos, a couple of months ago. I just want to give a big thank you to everyone, who somehow manages to not get bored with me and my sporadic updates xD Lastly, a hugeee thank you to my beta starshine-galaxy who is always up for beautifying this fic. I appreciate you all more than you could imagine.  
>   
> I hope you all enjoy this chapter! As always, you can leave any questions, comments, etc in the comments area and thank you for your support :D

Rey suppressed a yawn while emerging from her bedroom. There were far too many things on her mind that prevented her from having a peaceful sleep. Her thoughts, however, were all but forgotten when out of the corner of her eye, something just beyond the viewport grabbed her attention. Rey caught a glimpse of a black ship approaching theirs slowly. She eased herself closer to the viewport, eyes taking a moment to adjust to the darkness of space. When they did, Rey let out a breath of relief. It was only The Finalizer.

 

Rey stared at the hulking mass of metal drifting alongside the stars. She hadn’t seen it from the outside in 4 years. It would have looked like a decommissioned ship floating aimlessly through space had it not been for the illuminated viewports. The ship housed thousands of stormtroopers and officers alike who were just rousing from sleep or preparing to retire from their nightly duties. Rey knew that among the waking was Hux. She could just imagine his mussed, red hair and tired, green eyes. Countless streams of information running through his mind as he looked through the messages left on his datapad before he slept. He had yet to put on the authoritative scowl he wore like a mask. Rey found her lips twitching into a smile at the memories of waking up next to Hux, his untainted hair falling freely across his forehead and one of his hands twirling strands of her brown hair between his fingers.

 

“We’re almost home.”

 

Rey jumped and then let out a yelp in pain when one of her bruised knees hit the metal interior of their ship’s wall. She turned to her left, where she saw Laelius sitting on the ground. He looked at her with alarmed, green eyes.

 

“Sorry, Rey. Didn’t mean to scare ya.”

 

She politely waved his apology off and turned to continue her trip to the lounge.

 

“You ready for the feast?” He asked to her retreating back.

 

“I’m not really hungry.”

 

Laelius chuckled dryly. “Well, you better gain an appetite soon. Our cooks will take offense if you don’t eat your weight. And the last thing you need is Chef Nilda being your worst enemy.”

 

“Thanks, Laelius,” Rey called over her shoulder.

 

“Rey!”

 

She sighed and stopped walking. She didn’t turn to face him as she replied, “Yea?”

 

“You get dressed. We’ll be landing in 10 minutes.”

 

Rey looked at herself in the floor length mirror on the back of her closet door. She had removed some of her padding and armor for comfort. She wore a standard black shirt and pants, a silver-buckled dual holster belt and elbow length, black leather gloves. Rey snatched the two lightsaber handles from the edge of her bed and put them into one of the holsters. She slid her custom blaster into the other holster before smoothing her hands over the black sashes she wore crossed over her chest.

 

 _Old habits are hard to break._ Kylo had commented when she’d chosen the garment. Rey replied quaintly that she felt most comfortable when she wore one. Though he had meant well at the time, his words had wounded her. How could he have made fun of something that was so sensitive to her?

 

Rey huffed at her image. Despite her efforts, her eyes were still bloodshot and there were dark bags under them. However, she could not dwell on her appearance. They were landing in only seconds and though she would have liked to look more alive for Hux, she knew he would not care. Rey then examined her hair for imperfections. Her usual 3 buns now weaved into a simple, long braid. When she was satisfied, she secured her mask over her nose and mouth and wrapped her scarf around her head and under her chin, draping the ends over her shoulders. She would officially become a Knight of Ren by the end of the day. It was time she accepted all that came with the honor.

 

Akena was waiting for Rey when she finally emerged from her room. She donned a black vest over her cropped long-sleeve shirt with a silver belt secured around her waist. Akena smiled at Rey as she said, “It feels so good to be 100 pounds lighter again. As much as I love missions, I could go without all the padding and armor.”

 

“It’s there to protect you,” Rey reminded her as she began her walk to the mouth of the ship with Akena in tow.

 

“You sound like Basha.” Akena countered with a smile. “I have the Force for that. You should be happy I’m Force-sensitive, or you would have been in a load of poo-doo. Last night, you said ‘It’ll only take a second Akena. You have my word.’.”

 

Rey chuckled at Akena’s horrendous attempt at her accent. “I’m sorry.”

 

“You’re the one who missed all the fun.” Akena shrugged as they turned a corner and joined the rest of the Knights.

 

“Oh, who won anyway?” Rey asked.

 

Laelius’ distorted voice called from within the huddle. “Me!”

 

“Not true, I won and he knows it!” Akena protested.

 

To Rey’s surprise, Laelius didn’t counter. Instead, there was a faint crackle of static and everything fell silent. When the ship jostled them as it made contact with the ground inside Hanger 1 of The Finalizer, she knew why he didn’t. Akena took Rey’s arm and pulled her to the front of the huddle, to Kylo’s right. He acknowledged her with a small nod. She did nothing in return.

 

The ramp hissed as it detached from the ship and descended to the ground. Rey didn’t need Akena to hold her hand this time, but it still provided a level of comfort so she took it upon herself to grab hers. Armed stormtroopers formed two parallel lines on either side of the ship. Phasma stood a few feet away from the lowering ramp. Beside her was a ginger-haired General standing in parade rest; his hands behind his back and feet shoulder widths apart. Rey just barely suppressed her gasp at the sight of Hux and no matter how hard she tried, she could not control the way her heart accelerated and hoped the others would not notice.

 

Kylo allowed the ramp to fully lower to the ground before he stepped off. Rey was close behind, nearly yanking Akena off the ship in her excitement. She stopped just beside Kylo as he exchanged words with Phasma. Though she knew she should have been listening, she could not keep her eyes from drifting to Hux. He was wearing that pinched expression that always rose to his face when Kylo was in his presence. His uniform was immaculately pressed and fitted with help from skillfully placed padding. The silver buckle on his belt held not a single smudge and rivaled the reflectiveness of Phasma’s armor. His boots could just as easily be used as a mirror if one so desired.

 

Rey dragged her eyes up to his face and blanched when she found him looking at her. His impassive, green eyes felt like lasers as they gave her a once over. Hux made eye contact with her for only a moment before turning his attention back onto Kylo as the man addressed him. She wanted to slip into his mind and read what he had thought of her, like if he noticed her red eyes or approved of her rather dull, knee length, black boots.

 

Rey broke out from her daze when Hux’s face contorted into an expression of annoyance.

 

 _Stars, Rey, pay attention!_ Akena hissed into her mind as she pulled her sister along. Rey realized too late that Kylo had broken away from Hux and Phasma and skirted around the pair. The rest of the Knights had been waiting for Rey to follow him so as not to break the order of the group. Rey dropped her eyes when she slipped past Hux as her cheeks heated up. Hopefully, none of the others had noticed that it was her continuous staring at Hux that caused the delay. There was little doubt in her mind that Akena hadn’t noticed.

 

Kylo lead the Knights into the mess hall. Two kitchen hands bowed as they passed them at the door. The first thing Rey noticed was that the blindingly bright lights had been dimmed considerably. The rows of lunch tables had been replaced by a grand, brown table that had been set in the center of the room. Seven large, brown chairs were spaced around the table.

 

Akena positioned Rey behind the seat at the head of the table. Kylo stood at the chair to her right, and Basha to her left. Akena took the chair next to Kylo, and Keir next to her. Pauel was beside Basha, followed by Laelius. They all stood quietly, their backs straight and heads forward.

 

“We welcome Lady Rey to the Knights of Ren during this ceremony. As her rightful Master, I, Kylo Ren, First Knight of the Knights of Ren, will be seated to her right. Basha Ren, Second Knight, and Lady Rey’s first Master will be seated to her left. As the ceremony concludes, Lady Rey will be presented to our leader and officially swear her loyalty to the Knights of Ren, The First Order, and our Supreme Leader and Master of the Knights of Ren, Snoke. If anyone has objections to our seating order or believes that Lady Rey should not swear her loyalty to The First Order, you may now make your thoughts known.” When there was no objection, Kylo continued almost pridefully. “Lady Rey’s induction ceremony has officially begun.”

 

A click echoed through the room as the doors to the mess hall were closed and secured by the kitchen hands. The Knights began pulling out their chairs all at once. Rey followed suit, only she underestimated the weight of the chair and faltered for a moment. She ducked her head in embarrassment and murmured an apology when 6 helmets and masks turned her way. Rey rounded the chair and sat. No one else followed.

 

 _You must give us permission to sit._ Akena supplied through the Force.

 

“Oh!” Rey blurted out. Her face grew hot as they continued to stare at her. “Sit?”

 

“Works for me!” Laelius exclaimed and fell back into his seat.

 

Pauel huffed and grasped his brother’s arm. “Get up you-”

 

Kylo, having felt her desperation, spoke to her for the first time in days, “Rey, you must say ‘You may be seated’.”

 

“You may be seated.” The words were rushed and Rey couldn’t help but sigh in relief when the Knights finally settled into their chairs. She glanced at Kylo while  he sat and immediately reached for the latches on his mask. When he was not highly active, his dark hair was never matted to his forehead. Instead, it lay in soft, thick curls that had begun to brush against his shoulders. His brown eyes held no anger nor happiness, but a median of contempt in the presence of his brothers and sisters.

 

For years, Rey had wondered how Kylo remained in a constant state of unhappiness. Even more so after seeing how the Knights treated their own. The answer became more and more apparent as dishes overflowing with food were set onto the table and chatter rose in the room. Rey was pulled into conversations and used as a meditator for short spats that ended as soon as they came. She loaded foods of all origins onto her plate and drank and ate until she could stuff herself no more.

 

As Rey slumped in her seat, her stomach full of food, water, and rich wine and the urge to sleep pulling her eyelids closed, she realized that she had not heard Kylo’s voice for the entirety of the feast. He was a mere observer to the merriment. Sensing her eyes watching him, Kylo turned his gaze to her. He said nothing, but she could read his feelings. He was a turbulence of thoughts and emotions, as usual, his mind never seeming to rest. One stuck out to her: loneliness. She furrowed her eyebrows. How could one be so lonely in the midst of such a grand celebration?

 

She bared the question to him through their bond. He silently rose his barriers and pushed away from the table.

 

“It is time for Rey to swear her loyalty to the Knights of Ren.” Kylo extended his hand to her. “Lady Rey, are you ready?”

 

Biting her lip, Rey scooted back from the table and slid her hand into his. Kylo helped her to her feet. The moment she was on her feet, Rey was pulled into a tight hug by Pauel.

 

“You’ll kill it, just try not be to be nervous.” Pauel stepped back so he could look into Rey’s eyes.  “Our Master respects anyone that can make him respect them. If you can gain his respect and trust, there’s no way he won’t knight you.”

 

“Move!” Akena nudged Pauel aside until she could wrap her arms around Rey’s neck. “Remember to only address him as ‘Master’, okay? And look at him directly, Snoke finds it useless to surround himself with people who are intimidated easily.”

 

Rey nodded against Akena’s shoulder. Out of the corner of her eyes, she noticed Laelius, Keir, and Basha waiting in a crudely formed line. They all wore soft smiles of assurance when they had their chances to speak with Rey, and it gave her hope that she could get through this and become what she was sure she was meant to be: a Knight of Ren.

 

After well wishes and shouts of encouragement that continued until their voices did not carry to her ears anymore, Rey found herself standing with Kylo outside of the gathering hall where Snoke would be seeing her. Kylo had not said a single thing since she had taken his hand, hadn’t made a sound besides a hushed chuckle when they turned another corner and he could still hear his brothers and sister causing a ruckus.

 

A part of Rey wished Akena was beside her, holding her hand through the excruciating wait. It was something about her sister’s presence that calmed her to no end. Kylo’s presence, though he had proven to be apologetic and more cautious than ever, provided only a fraction of comfort she had felt during their trainings. He had never been a very social person, but he was there when she was going through her separation from Hux, even though he didn't know that was the cause of her trouble. He listened, he consoled her when she would burst into tears without warning, and he gave her the attention she craved when Hux refused to give it to her.

 

Rey concluded that Kylo was an emotionally round person, that he was capable of emotions other than sadness, anger, and indifference. So, it still made no sense to her as to why he was often excluded from the Knights’ get-togethers. Kylo was their leader-he was First Knight. There should not be activities that did not involve him.

 

As if sensing Rey’s thoughts through her barriers, Kylo turned towards her for the third time in the five minutes they had been waiting.

 

“Are you nervous?”

 

Rey shrugged noncommittally. She had seen Snoke once before, several days prior to Chrona. The creature determined that she was ready for her first mission as a prospective Knight of Ren. Now, only 2 days after Chrona, Snoke was to make the decision of whether she was ready to become an official Knight of Ren.

 

“He is ready to see you.” Kylo bent down to tap in a code on the keypad next to the door. When he finished, the door slid open with a faint hiss. He straightened and made a sweeping gesture with one hand when Rey failed to walk into the gathering hall.

 

Rey glanced between the doorway and Kylo. “Aren’t you coming?”

 

“My presence is not required.” Kylo’s helmet tilted to the side. “Would you like for me to come with you?”

 

Rey shook her head. She had faced an angered General Organa before, who was the equivalent of a 20-foot, fire-breathing Wookie. She could handle lowering herself to one knee and repeating words for a couple of minutes. Taking a deep breath, Rey looked at Kylo.

 

“Aren’t you going to offer any words of encouragement?” She managed to muster a confident smile that soon fell flat. Her stomach had begun to flutter in her nervousness. She could only pray to the Force to hold her stomach’s content in until _after_ her meeting with Snoke.

 

Kylo mulled over what he wished to say. The rest of the Knights had seemed to cover everything: to respect Snoke and demand respect, to address him as Master unless he says otherwise, and to look at him head on. What else was there to say?

 

Not a full minute had passed when Kylo knew what none of them had said. He looked into her eyes and said, “You will not fail me.”

 

Rey nodded. That sentence had become a mantra he repeated when Rey grew frustrated or worried. He had said them to her just before Chrona, and when she had successfully saved Akena from a possible death. Jessika Pava attempted to push herself to the forefront of Rey’s mind, but she managed to tuck her old friend away. Rey did not want to give Snoke a reason to not officially knight her.

 

The words gave her the strength she needed to confidently walk through the open door. Rey stopped short when she realized she could not see anything that was not illuminated by the lights in the hallway. In front of her was an elevated walkway with rows of seats on either side. She could _just_ see a circular platform at the end of the walkway. Rey turned to ask Kylo where Snoke was when the door slid closed, encasing her in darkness.


	9. Comfort

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! My absolute amazing beta (starshine-galaxy) and I have been going over the posted chapters to jazz it up and fix some rather embarrassing mistakes lol Its been a while but I'm happy to be posting again!
> 
> I hope you're all having an amazing day and I hope you enjoy the update :D

Rey turned away from the door when a light flickered on. A large hologram of Supreme Leader Snoke loomed on a previously unseen stage in front of the platform. Shadows cloaked most of his semblance in darkness, a singular light just above his head gave her only a glance at his pale face. He extended an equally pale, bony hand and gestured her closer to him.

 

There was something awful about Snoke, something that just surrounded his presence with a terrible feeling. Pushing down the rising feeling of dread, Rey rose her chin and approached her leader as though she possessed all of the confidence in the world. She lowered to a single knee,  per Basha’s advice, biting back a yelp when she pressed her weight into the scarred tissue.

 

Snoke considered her for a moment, and Rey might have mistaken his neutral expression for approval if she were foolish.

 

“You wish to become a Knight of Ren.” He finally said. “You have spent five years aboard _The Finalizer_ , three years of which were spent as a prisoner. What has changed your loyalty?”

 

“I have seen the ways of the dark side. It is the path I have chosen for myself.”

 

Snoke seemed satisfied with her answer as he moved forward. “When you pledge your loyalty to The First Order and accept the honor of becoming a Knight of Ren, you also swear your loyalty to me. If you choose to betray me as you have done The Resistance, I will not hesitate to inflict the proper punishment bestowed to traitors when you are captured once again.”

 

Rey didn’t so much as flinch, much to his delight. She was as powerful as Kylo Ren, though he had doubted such until he witnessed their duel while probing Kylo’s mind. She had improved during her training with Basha and Akena, and even more so while in Kylo’s care. However, he had to question where her loyalty truly lied. Snoke searched her feelings before Chrona and she had not given him a reason to believe she was merely a ploy to take down The First Order. However, it was not enough to be sure she felt the same now that she has had an encounter with The Resistance.

 

Snoke pushed against Rey’s barriers, and she lowered them at once. The moment he touched the first memory, he felt her resist. He would have to teach her how to open her mind to him immediately in his presence.

 

Rey took deep, measured breaths, resisting the overwhelming urge to force him out of her mind. She couldn’t help but remember the way Kylo assaulted her unsuspecting mind in an attempt to drag the identity of her lover out of her. The sensation reminded her of a particularly nasty fall she experienced on Jakku. A jagged piece of metal had sliced her head and the blood oozing from the wound and grime from the decrepit ship ran into her eyes, blinding her for well over an hour. Rey willed that memory away.

 

Just as Snoke began to withdraw, he closed in on a new memory. She could feel him observing the memory as though it were a file in a cabinet. When Snoke hummed, she schooled her features into a mask of indifference in spite of her stomach dropping.

 

“She was my friend. I cared about her then, but I hold no feelings towards her or her death now. Master, I urge you to search my feelings.” Rey pushed. She knew where her loyalty lied. The Resistance contained people she had grown close to before, but now she had found a family within The First Order. They took her in immediately, they offered nothing but support and understanding. They did not leave her in the arms of the enemy to fend for herself.

 

Snoke did not seem moved by Rey’s words. He traced the memory of her crying, and Rey braced herself for what she knew was coming.

 

Rey dipped her head and bit into her bottom lip when she felt the familiar sting of tears behind her eyes. She had learned how to hold in her emotions when she was very young. Moments of weakness were saved for when no one else was around. So, Rey lifted her head and stared at Snoke as she pushed back against the pain from her injured knee and sadness she felt. He was trying to test her, and Rey would not fail.

 

Snoke leaned forward towards her in his seat, bringing more of his scarred face into view. His ice blue eyes watched Rey unblinkingly for what seemed like an eternity, and she looked at him as well.

 

Suddenly, he sat upright, once more shielding his face from view. “You are not prepared to become a Knight of Ren, you hold sympathy for The Resistance in your heart. I trust with more training, you will be strong enough-”

 

“I have been training for _months_!” Rey protested.

 

“And yet you fail!” Snoke’s voice boomed, startling her. “I did not give you permission to speak. You will learn your place before you become a Knight, much more an official apprentice of the First Knight.” Snoke seethed.

 

His attempt to intimidate Rey fell flat. Instead of fear, anger flared from within her. How dare he insult her abilities? It took a great bit of will to hold her tongue and not explode, least she lose her place in The First Order, or worse, her life. Rey refused to go down without a fight for either one, but Snoke was more powerful than her. She would not be able to defend herself if he chose to end her life right at that moment.

 

”It seems as though I have overestimated you. Return to me in two months. I hope to see improvement in you.” By the time Snoke finished his sentence, he was nothing but a vanishing image. The single light in the room left with him.

 

* * *

 

Rey was stuck between wanting to punch something and wanting to curl into a ball and cry. She settled for kicking the door before it slid open. Snoke knew nothing about her, and what she could do or else he would be begging her to join the Knights of Ren.

 

Kylo’s hulking figure stepped into view. She could already tell that he knew by the time she stood in front of him. His mask was tilted downward, he was staring at her. As usual, he had closed himself off from the bond and had his barriers raised. She knew nothing of what he was thinking, but she did not care to bother guessing.

 

Rey excused herself as respectfully as she could and escaped before Kylo could ask any questions.

 

Further down the hallway, she pushed the butt of her palms into her eyes as she willed herself not to shed any tears. Crying and feeling sorry for herself was not something she would have allowed on Jakku. She had faced a betrayal that ended with her lying face down in the sand with her week’s worth of finds in a former friend’s possession, she had faced blinding sandstorms, loneliness, starvation, dehydration, fatigue, and crushing depression. She had always prided herself on being strong, but at this point, Rey was not sure who she was. She did not feel like the determined girl she was then. Perhaps she wasn’t anymore.

 

Several officers averted their eyes when they noticed her red face, as though her show of emotion made them uncomfortable. She sighed and quickened her steps. The sooner she was away from prying eyes, the better.

 

Rey took a path down a lesser used hallway that would cut the journey to the Knights’ quarters in half. Everything about her ached as if she had been attacked by a rathtar. She felt beaten, physically, mentally and even emotionally.

 

She didn’t bother to turn on her lights when she finally made it into her room. Rey stripped herself of all clothing and weapons and clambered under her covers. Sleep was appearing as though it wasn’t an option, so she closed her eyes and tried to think of better days. Better days when there were no tears to be shed, no crushing feelings of guilt and despair and no Supreme Leaders to take her happiness away. Then, just as she began to feel better, sleep finally claimed her.

 

* * *

 

Rey wasn’t exactly sure when she had fallen asleep, but she was _definitely_ sure that she wasn’t happy about being woken up by a series of shrill beeps. She groaned and smothered her ears with her pillow in an attempt to block them out. The sounds continued until Rey could ignore them no longer and, using the Force,  she summoned her datapad from her bag. She groggily pushed herself up into a sitting position when the device met her palm and squinted at the glare from the screen as she read the message there.

 

General Hux has requested a meeting at 9am.

 

The display on the datapad read 8:39. Instead of lying in bed, drowning in guilt and self-pity as she wanted to, Rey slid herself out of bed and into the refresher. She found a pair of black leggings and a tunic in her closet and put them on, figuring that the meeting would not take very long and there was no need for her to dress up. After wrestling her long brown hair into a single braid, Rey grabbed the datapad and made her way to Hux’s office.

 

When she arrived at the door, a robotic voice demanded her name.

 

“Rey.” She answered.

 

The door slid open at once.

 

Hux glanced at her when she entered. There was no large smile or brightening of the eyes as she hoped, but he did look overall relieved she had come. “You made it. One moment.”

 

Rey stood by the door, feeling strangely foreign in the office. It had been months since she had been in the room and not a single thing had changed, but the people in it had. When she was able to sneak into his office months ago, Hux threw down whatever he was working on in favor of focusing on her. Now, all that was between them was an awkward air that was only broken by him tapping on the screen of his datapad.

 

A minute had passed before Hux looked at her again and gestured to a chair at the opposite side of his desk. “You may sit.”

 

Once she was settled in the chair, Hux’s lips twisted into what could be considered a smile. He pushed the datapad aside and laced his fingers. She could see the discomfort on his face now that she was closer. Whatever they had to discuss, it was not relating to Chrona.

 

Hux fixed his face with a wavering smile. “It has been brought to my attention that you were seen...crying yesterday.”

 

Rey balked. “Someone _reported_ me?”

 

“Technically, yes.”

 

“Who?”

 

 _Captain Phasma._ Hux thought to himself. She had seemed concerned during their meeting the night before, though the voice modulator in her mask kept her words void of any emotion.

 

“That is not important.” Hux finally answered. Before Rey could interject, he continued. “What _is_ important, is that you were upset. We did not have much of a chance to discuss your...feelings during our comm and I feel it would benefit you greatly if you were to speak of your problems.”

 

Rey wanted to chide Hux for his shameless prodding, but when she opened her mouth, all that emerged was a shuddering breath. She barely had time to prepare herself before tears began falling from her eyes, and she could feel herself growing sadder by the moment. Her hands rose to cover her eyes in an attempt to hide her grief from Hux. Her sudden outpour of emotion shocked her, and her shock only increased when she felt something warm press around her.

 

Rey sprung to her feet, all too eager to welcome Hux’s affection. His arms around her held her strong and steady, keeping her pressed close to him. He ignored her blabberings about ruining his shirt in favor of pressing a kiss to the crown of her head. A shirt didn’t mean as much to him as Rey and her well-being did. A shirt could be replaced...Rey could not.

 

* * *

 

Rey quieted into soft whimpers and broke away from his embrace long before Hux was ready to let go. He allowed her space, though, by stepping around his desk to retrieve a box of tissues so she could wipe her face. By the time he had returned to her, she had already used the sleeves of her tunic to do the deed, but still gratefully accepted one of the tissues to blow her nose.

 

He was on her in an instant after she discarded the item, moving a few loose strands of hair away from her face and guiding his fingertips down her jawline so he could tilt her chin up to look at her. He had longed to be able to do that again and was relieved when she didn’t stop him. He studied her then. It hadn’t been more than 48 hours since he had seen her last, yet she seemed as though she had lived an entire war in his absence. The area around her eyes were red, a stark contrast from her pale face. Her lips were in need of salvage, and her hair in need of a wash. Her entire face was laden with sorrow, and he could only hope to alleviate some of it.

 

Rey’s eyes dropped to Hux’s chest to avoid his pensive stare. She couldn’t help the small laugh that escaped her at the two wet stains she noticed on his chest, one of them small and lower than the other.

 

Hux followed her gaze and Rey swore she saw Hux smile with his teeth just before he chuckled. “Well, it seems as though you cry out of only one eye...and nostril.”

 

Rey broke into a full on laugh at that, drawing a close-lipped smile from Hux as he slipped his hands over her hips and hoisted her onto his desk. In another time, Rey would have joked about how the simple action took his breath away, but she was too captivated by the feeling of his hands on her after everything that had transpired between them.

 

She wrapped her arms around his back and perched her chin on his chest, avoiding the wet spot she created earlier and not caring one bit about how familiar she was being. She was trying something and she hoped it would work. Her lips rose into a smirk as a signal to him. Hux immediately caught it and followed suit, raising a hand to stroke against her cheek.

 

“I never thought I’d miss your gloves.” Rey murmured as she pushed her cheek into his palm.

 

“You would always tell me to take them off.” Hux mused.

 

Her voice dropped almost to a whine as she said, “Never take them off.”

 

“My bare hands are not good enough for you?”

 

“Nope.” She replied right away. Hux chuckled and pressed a tentative kiss to her forehead. Rey responded with a sigh of contentment and laid her cheek against his chest.

 

After a moment of enjoying the feel of him beneath her cheek, she finally spoke again, “Snoke told me I wasn’t fit to be a Knight of Ren yet.”

 

“Is that why you were upset yesterday?”

 

Rey nodded.

 

Hux sighed, and out of habit, brought his hand around the back of her head to absently stroke her hair. “It will be alright. Our Supreme Leader is wise. He did not refuse you for no reason.”

 

Rey’s gaze snapped to his. Her hazel eyes were full of fire as she swore, “I _am_ ready, Hux!”

 

“I don’t doubt that you feel you are. I felt that I was ready to rule The First Order when I was just a Lieutenant. Snoke knew otherwise. I know you may not agree, but you are not ready, Rey. It is alright not to be ready.”

 

“No, it’s not.” Rey’s arms fell from around him and he had to suppress a sigh at the sudden loss. “I don’t want to talk about it anymore.”

 

Hux frowned. He wanted Rey to tell him everything so he could work to fix it. He tried not to allow his disappointment to show as he changed the subject.

 

“Your first mission as a Knight went well, actually, better than I expected. We have learned the name of another Resistance base from the hostages the Knights provided. It is not far from Chrona.”

 

“What is it for?”

 

“Construction,” Hux answered lightly. “I am sending out a droid to see if their confessions are true. I refuse to waste valuable resources on a trap.”

 

A datapad on Hux’s desk chirped. Hux pulled away to retrieve the device, and Rey had to refrain from grabbing his arm and pulling him close once again. After reading the message, he crossed the room, not once taking his eyes away from his datapad.

 

“What is it?” Rey asked as she watched him pull his arms through the sleeves of his greatcoat and button it.

 

“I am needed in an interrogation room. After the days you have had, I would suggest you retire to your quarters early tonight.” He took wide steps to reach her and after a brief hesitation leaned in and pressed a slow parting kiss to her forehead.

 

Rey wilted as she registered her time with Hux was over. She felt like she had just gotten him back and now The First Order was taking him away from her. It wasn’t fair. When Hux returned to work, he took his awkward smiles and easiness away. He was suddenly the ruthless, rigid man she had met upon entry to her cell. She tried not to think about that as he took her hand and walked alongside her to the door.

 

He cared about her. He always had. How silly it was of her to have ever thought otherwise. Anything they had done, whether to each other or to the side they represented, meant nothing. It was all in the past.

 

Rey gave him a soft smile as she rose onto her toes to tightly wrap her arms around his neck, and he, in turn, confidently pressed a kiss to her cheek. As much as she wanted to throw her arms around his legs instead and beg him to stay, Rey forced herself to bid him goodbye with a smile on her face. This was their first time being alone with each other in almost a week, and she did not want to end it on a sour note. Not this time.

 

As Rey left Hux’s office, heading in a different direction than he, she found herself in a better mood than she had been when she first entered his office. She could only hope that history would not repeat itself and that she would not be burdened with sadness by the end of the week.

 


	10. Family

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *waves* Hellooo, I am 100% exhausted but wanted to post this before I pass out xD The next update won't take as long, I promise. Just don't smite me? lol 
> 
> As usual, shout out to my wonderful beta starshine-galaxy on Tumblr for helping me with this story no matter how much I whine about not getting it right the first 100 times xD She's the best, seriously!  
> Feel free to leave comments, criticism, etc and I hope you all are having a good day or night and are doing well! *scurries off to study for an exam*

“Tell me!” Akena demanded as she lunged at Rey’s waist. The girl sidestepped her, but still managed to end up on her back after a short tussle on the floor. Akena pinned Rey’s arms to her sides using her thighs. “Just tell me. It’s not like I’m going to tell the others! I can keep secrets, I swear.”

 

“No!” Rey grunted and tried to slide out of the hold. Akena sat back on her heels, decreasing Rey’s chances of escaping.

 

“Fine, then I guess we’re going to be here for a while.” Akena looked over her shoulder at the chronometer above the storage room. “Master Kylo isn’t going to be here for another 20 minutes, and I’m used to holding rather painful positions.”

 

Rey huffed and ceased her struggling. “I assumed you already knew.”

 

“I don’t.”

 

“Liar.”

 

“Nope.”

 

“I know you know.” Rey said as her eyes lowered into a glare.

 

“You don’t.”

 

“So you  _ do  _ know.”

 

“Know what?”

 

“What I know you know.”

 

Akena laughed. “Rey, I’ve lived with boys - not just any boys, Force sensitive boys - my entire life. Mind games won’t work on me, but I appreciate the effort.”

 

Rey huffed once more and fell quiet.

 

“I only pry because I care.” Akena added after a moment of silence.

 

“If you cared you would allow me some privacy.”

 

“You’ve had three days worth of privacy! Now it’s time for you to spill!”

 

“So you know!”

 

Akena tilted her head in mock confusion. “Know what?” 

 

“That he didn’t want me!” Rey yelled, her voice suddenly catching in her throat.

 

Akena blanched and scrambled off of Rey, the latter pushing herself into a sitting position shortly after. Akena allowed a few moments to pass before reaching for her sister who seemed to wilt even more once her hand met Rey’s shoulder.

 

“Do you know why?”

 

Rey shook her head. 

 

“I’m sorry.” Akena whispered as she scooted closer with the intent to wrap her arms around Rey. Before she had the chance to, Rey shot to her feet and walked towards the storage room.

 

“I don’t want to talk about it. It’s over. Done.” Rey was passing over the various swords when she felt her sister’s presence closely behind her. “You can’t help me.” She called over her shoulder.

 

“I can’t if you don’t tell me!” Rey looked between two staffs, one longer than the other, instead of bothering to answer. Akena rolled her eyes. “It couldn’t have been that bad. You’re perfect.”

 

Rey snorted. “I’m not perfect.”

 

Akena dismissed her claim with a wave of her hand. “You’re telling me you don’t have a single idea as to why Snoke didn’t give you his approval? That’s not like him.”

 

“How would you know?”

 

“I’ve known him for over 10 years.” Rey heard her respond and sat the staffs back in their place. She turned to face Akena as she continued. “He isn’t our definition of a good guy, neither of us are actually ‘good’ per se...anyways. What I’m trying to say is, I know Snoke and he doesn’t do things without reason.“ 

 

“So you’re on his side now?””

 

“What? Rey, no, I-”

 

“Then why are you defending him? He knows nothing about what I can do. It’s not fair that he passes over me but accepts people that aren’t as good as-” Rey stopped herself, but it was too late. Her hand flew to her mouth when she registered what she had said.

 

There was a pregnant pause as they both took in the words that were spoken. Akena’s mouth hung open and she looked at her with wide eyes before she seemed to gather herself. She crossed her arms over her chest as the shock in her eyes became anger. “So we’re not as good as you anymore?”

 

Rey raised her arms in the space between them and shook her head. “No! I meant, yes! I-I didn’t mean that, I swear. I just-my-Akena, I’m not in a good place right now.”

 

“That doesn’t excuse you from what you said. Rey, you may have a higher Force sensitivity than the rest of us, but we are not lesser humans or warriors because of it.” Akena crossed her arms tighter over her chest.

 

Rey shook her head once again. “That’s not what I meant!”

 

“ _ Don’t _ do it again. We had to fight our way into the Knights of Ren, you basically had it handed to you just because of your level of Force sensitivity. We all went through  _ years  _ of training before we even stepped foot on that ship and went on a mission.” Akena pinched the bridge of her nose and closed her eyes. When she opened them moments later, the anger that burned so brightly in her signature was replaced with a level of calmness that scared Rey almost as much as her anger. 

 

Akena cleared her throat and stood a bit straighter. “I would appreciate it if you didn’t disrespect us or our Supreme Leader.”

 

Rey found it best to say nothing despite the several different words just begging to be said. She bit her tongue instead and dropped her eyes.

 

“I’ll tell Master Kylo that it is your temper that needs work. Perhaps you would benefit from a few lessons of meditation.” Akena turned and left her in the storage closet without another word. 

 

Rey let out a breath she didn’t know she had been holding. A part of Rey was telling herself that Akena didn’t know any better, that she shouldn’t have gotten angry at the truth. Another part, a much larger part, told herself that Rey shouldn’t have been as prideful as she was. Yes, she was strong, but she was given an opportunity the others hadn’t gotten. She was being trained by the First Knight of Ren, and he had  _ offered  _ his service to her. She should be more thankful, but instead, all she did was whine about how unfair her situation was. Rey came to understanding that she should take Snoke’s criticism and use it as motivation to get better. 

 

As she turned to leave, Rey caught her reflection in one of the silver daggers hanging from the wall and wondered just when she had changed so much that she needed to remind herself to be humble. 

 

Rey spotted Kylo and Akena conversing quietly the moment she emerged from the storage room. When they felt her presence, Kylo’s mask turned to her, but Akena’s head turned away from her. Kylo must have spoken to Akena through the Force, because she dropped into a small bow and exited the training room without a single glance in Rey’s direction. 

 

Kylo gestured for Rey to follow him and led her to the open area of the training room. Once she stood in front of him, Kylo reached up and removed his helmet. His eyes held no emotion as they stared into hers. His lips were pressed into a hard line, causing Rey to wonder if Akena had told him what she had said. The sound of the helmet hitting the wooden flooring caused her to jump and turn her eyes to the place where it now sat. Her eyes rose back to Kylo’s just as he had begun undoing his tunic. Rey turned her head quickly, but she heard the muted thud it made once it joined his helmet on the ground. There was another thud, and another until he stood in only his suspendered pants and a thin, long sleeved shirt. 

 

Kylo lowered himself to the floor beside the pile of clothing and signaled once more for Rey to follow him. She removed nothing, as she only wore black leggings, a fitted shirt and her boots, and settled in front of him. Rey watched Kylo inch closer to her, her dark eyes focused on the miniscule of space he left between their knees. She tried to read his emotions, but he had himself blocked off to the world, as usual. She decided not to move, lest Akena had told him of her blatant disrespect of the Knights. She needed to stay on someone’s good side in the event that they decided to rid themselves of her.

 

Kylo placed his hands, palms down, on his knees and closed his eyes. His body seemed to shrink in size as he began taking slow, deep breaths in through his nose and out his parted lips. They were so close that Rey could feel his breath brush against her forehead.

 

Her eyes traced his form, gliding over his long legs, and then his torso, his wide shoulders, up his neck before finally settling on his face. Specifically, the thin white line nearly dividing his face in two. The wound healed so well that she would often forget it was there until moments like this, when Kylo was so close to her that she could feel his body heat through his clothes. She, or rather Kylo, was lucky Rey missed his eyes with the strike, but the left corner of his lips remained slightly lower than his right whenever he graced her with a smirk. 

 

“Your thoughts are so loud.” Kylo murmured. Before Rey could growl at him to stay out of her thoughts, he added, “You’re projecting.” 

 

He felt the moment she grew hot with embarrassment and rose her barriers once more, leaving behind a faint whisper about his lips. Ignoring it, Kylo took a deep breath. “Close your eyes, and ground yourself in the moment.”

 

Rey tried to do as she was told, but she was too aware of the faint groaning of the ship as it hovered amongst the stars, of the sound of Kylo’s breathing, and her own heartbeat pounding loudly in her ears. She could feel herself clawing at the edge of the nothingness she is supposed to feel, but she couldn’t quite get there. No matter how hard she tried, she could not shut out everything at once. She had even began to hate the sound of her own heart beating when she finally gave up with a frustrated groan.

 

At this, Kylo opened a single eye. “Do you not remember how to meditate? I was under the impression that Basha taught you.”

 

“He did, but...” Rey shrugged and frowned instead of finishing the sentence.

 

Kylo sighed. He was working hard to avoid the impending breakdown that would happen when Rey finally admitted that her failing her test was not okay and that  _ she  _ was not okay. He did not do well when dealing with high levels of emotions, but he managed when Rey’s mood would take a sudden nose dive and she would spend minutes choking back tears while pretending to re-lace her boots. The few times she freely cried in front of him, Kylo awkwardly rubbed her back while looking anywhere but at her. He had bitten his tongue more times than he could count to build a good relationship between himself and Rey during their initial training, but it seemed as though he could not go long without destroying anything. 

 

Kylo took his own advice and grounded himself in this moment. He could not undo the past, but he could work hard to gain Rey’s trust again. He opened his other eye and observed her tired, slouched form. It would take triple the effort, but this was a challenge Kylo was willing to take.

 

* * *

 

By the end of their 3 hour training session, Rey could meditate just long enough to find her center in the midst of catastrophe. Kylo summoned Pauel and Basha to spar while she sat close to them. It had taken her a while before she stayed still when she heard them inching closer to her or felt their staffs whizzing past her ears. Still, she was proud of herself by the end. When Rey pulled herself back to the moment and opened her eyes, she was surprised to see Akena beckoning her over to a secluded corner of the room. Rey approached her cautiously despite feeling that she was not in danger.

 

Akena had changed from her standard black pants and tank top to a pair of leggings and a thick turtleneck that was cropped to show her slim midriff. Her black braids now hung higher than before due to one being burnt by a blaster bolt on Chrona, but they still fell over her chest. Her red painted lips lifted into an uncertain smirk before she asked, “How did your training go?”

 

“Good. I learned how to ‘ground myself in the moment’.” Rey smiled. Akena did not return the gesture and Rey’s smile fell. Nothing hung between them but an awkward silence, and Rey could not bear to lose the sister she had gained not long before. Her voice dropped to a near whine as she said, “I’m sorry for what I said earlier. I don’t think I’m better than any of you. I was just frustrated and...and I was disappointed in myself. I don’t understand why people don’t want me.”

 

Akena gestured to herself and the other Knights in the room. “We want you. You wouldn’t still be here if we didn’t, but I can’t just let that go. You don’t know what we’re truly capable of, especially when we open our minds to one another.”

 

“I’m truly sorry.” Rey frowned.

 

Akena’s lips twitched. “I know. You’re just lucky I didn’t tell the others.”

 

“You didn’t?” Rey gasped.

 

“Nope. Not even... ” She nodded to her brothers.

 

Rey edged closer and said in a low tone, .“I thought Kylo was angry at me.” 

 

Akena shook her head as an amused smirk finally lifted her lips. “He’s always angry, but not at you. I just suggested that you work on meditating today. I didn’t expect him to follow through.” 

 

Rey looked over at Kylo, who was inspecting a dagger, while Basha and Pauel conversed mere inches away. She noticed the way Pauel continually glanced at Kylo in an almost nervous fashion. “Maybe he listens to you.”

 

Akena snorted. “He listens to no one but our Supreme Leader. Sometimes not even him.”

 

Rey’s head snapped back to Akena. Kylo disobeys Snoke? With the emphasis he often puts on obeying him as her Master, Rey would have never guessed that he himself would not do the same to his own Master. She began to ask Akena to elaborate, but one look at her sister’s stiff form told her that it was not the time nor the place. 

 

“So am I forgiven?” Rey asked hopefully.

 

“Of course, we don’t hold grudges against one another for long. We never know which moment will be our last.” Akena extended her arms for a hug and Rey happily accepted. “I don’t know what I would have done if my last words to you were about your attitude.”

 

“It’s okay, I needed to hear them.” Rey assured her. She hugged her sister tight, but her mind was still stuck on her words. If she had died on Chrona, her last words to Hux would have haunted her till the end of time. They weren’t an ‘I love you’ or even a ‘goodbye’. To make matters worse, she could not even remember what they were. She could only remember that he had been concerned about her wellbeing, and she had only wanted to escape his prying gaze.

 

Rey pulled away and smiled at her sister, who finally returned one. Akena began herding the guys out of the room while Rey shouldered her gym bag. Rey followed the group out into the hallway, her mind was solely on taking a nice shower and resting before going to visit Hux after his shift on the bridge. He had mentioned to her via message that he would not have as much work to do as the day had run smoothly, and asked if she would see him in his quarters. Rey didn’t bother to hide her smile as she thought about having time to be with him. After spending the majority of her day meditating and practicing breathing exercises, it would be so nice to relax the way she would like - with Hux.

 

“Ready to get rid of me, huh?” Pauel joked as he threw an arm around her shoulder.

 

“What?” Rey blinked.

 

“You just look pretty happy about me leaving.”

 

Rey stopped walking, forcing Pauel to as well. “Leaving?” She spat.

 

Pauel’s blue eyes looked at her in confusion. “Yea. You didn’t know?”

 

“No!” 

 

“Rey.” Kylo’s distorted voice seemed to chastise her for yelling, but she paid no attention to him.

 

“You’re leaving?” She asked Pauel again.

 

“I thought you knew that.” He turned his attention to the trio. “You didn’t tell her?”

 

“It never came up.” Basha replied with a small shrug of the shoulders.

 

Pauel rolled his eyes and cursed lowly. Then, he turned back to Rey and offered her his arm, which she took after a moment’s hesitation. Pauel strolled ahead of the others as he began to speak in a gentle tone. “Rey...Basha, Kylo, and Akena are the only ones that usually stay aboard  _ The Finalizer _ . We - the others - have places that we wish to visit between missions and our Supreme Leader allows us the time.”

 

“What?” Rey asked breathlessly.

 

“They’ll still be here to help and get you ready for the next time our leader is ready to see you.” Pauel added, but he could tell it did nothing to help the situation. He sighed and mentally scolded their brothers and sister for withholding this information from Rey.

 

She didn’t speak the entire stroll to Hangar 1, but she did lay her head on his bicep and tighten her hold on his arm as though he’d disappear when she let go. In a way, he would. The action tugged at Pauel’s heartstrings more than he would ever admit, seeing as he had a slick reputation to uphold and all. Akena had learned to compose herself during their departures over the years, so it was nice to see someone displaying their emotions over the situation even if it hurt him to see one of his sisters in any sort of pain. 

 

Especially Rey, with the week she had endured.

 

Pauel hugged her close when they met the rest of the Knights and the awaiting transports. 

 

“I’ll see you soon, sis. Try not to get into too much trouble?” He snickered. Rey nodded and Pauel pressed a kiss to the side of her head before releasing her.

 

Laelius picked her up and held her tight, a mutter about women and their emotions filtering through his voice modulator. Despite his taunting, he was the one who hugged her the longest.

 

Keir’s hug was rather stiff, but he still squeezed her tight and told her he’d miss her during his voyages. Rey wished he hadn’t been wearing his mask, just to remember what he looked and sounded like. She didn't have the opportunity to spend as much time with him as she would have liked and felt that she didn’t really know him at all. Still, it was hard to let go when the time came.

 

Once all of the goodbyes were exchanged, the men boarded their transports and prepared to leave. Rey’s stomach dropped as the ground began to rumble with vibrations from the running transports. They were actually leaving her. Just as things were starting to look up, half of her new family were off to different parts of the universe. 

 

She should have known. Nothing good ever lasted for her.

 

“Rey.” She heard someone whisper just before a hand grabbed hers. Rey tore her eyes away from the departing ships to look at Akena.

 

“They’ll be back.” Akena assured her with tears of her own shining in her brown eyes. 

 

Rey nodded and turned her gaze back onto the ships as they left the airlock. The ships were barely out of the hangars before they jumped into hyperspace, leaving behind the endless expanse of stars and three people who loved them most. A feeling of abandonment rose in Rey’s throat, but a warmness in her hand reminded her that she wasn’t truly alone.

 

She didn’t know how long they stood there, but she knew when she finally looked at the chronometer over the airlock that she had to leave right then if she wanted to get to Hux’s quarters on time. Rey squeezed Akena’s hand to get her attention.

 

“Will you be alright?” She asked.

 

Akena nodded and mustered a smile. “Basha and Kylo never stay long enough to watch them leave. I think I’ll hang around here for a bit.”

 

Rey nodded as though she understood and released the death grip she hadn’t realized she had on Akena’s hand.


	11. Understandings

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *waves* Guess who's updating already?? This girl! I promised I would work on getting updates out quicker and whaddayaknow, I actually managed to! This one is full of Reyux for those that have been awaiting the moment we get more alone time between our two favorite people :) I hope you enjoy! Thank you all for your support and I hope you all are doing well xx
> 
> Always have to thank my amazing beta Starshine-Galaxy on Tumblr for helping me every step of the way. You're the best! :D

As Rey trekked to Hux’s quarters, she couldn’t help but to feel a loss. She had Akena, Basha and Kylo. She hadn’t known the other Knights for long, but they were a family, and family stuck together, through the good and the bad. It just didn’t make sense to her as to why everyone was so eager to separate.

 

“Hello.” 

 

Rey lifted her head and realized that she was standing outside of Hux’s quarters. He stood in the open doorway, still clad in his General’s uniform with his hands clasped behind his back. Hux held a frown on his lips and curiosity in his green eyes as he scanned her form.

 

“Hi.” Rey murmured as she tucked her loose hair behind her ears. Hux nodded once and allowed her space to enter his quarters. She walked inside and settled onto a black couch in his living area, belatedly remembering that she hadn’t made it to the refresher before she came over when her skin felt sticky against the material. As Hux grew closer, she blurted out that very thought.

 

“I haven't either.” He assured her with his attempt of a smile, the one that left his lips awkwardly twitching back into a neutral frown. Hux joined her on the couch after stealing a datapad from his desk. “How was your day?” 

 

She wasn’t quite sure how to answer that, honestly, so she settled for a polite, “Fine.” When she returned the question, it took Hux a minute to pull his attention away from his datapad.

 

“It was busy.” A generic response. Rey supposed she shouldn’t have felt so cheated, considering she had done the same to him, but it was...different. She had been anticipating Hux going on his usual rambles that usually ended in him realizing that he had said too much and turning red at the tips of his ears. 

 

“What happened?”

 

“Lieutenant Mitaka shadowed me. His knowledge of things are improving, I may allow him a shift on the bridge alone, but that is only if he continues to show me he is dedicated to rising in rank.”

 

Rey perked up. “I think I know who you’re talking about. About this tall,” She rose a hand just over her head. “dark hair, pale?”

 

Hux snorted. “You just described the majority of the communications department.”

 

“Oh.” She sunk further into the cushion of the couch.

 

Hux offered no further commentary, and Rey could not think of anything that would be of interest to him. He had told her many times that he did not believe in the Force, so he would grow disinterested of her talking about her training. There was not much she had to do around  _ The Finalizer _ , and Rey found herself bored most days.

 

After several minutes of silence between them, Rey escaped to his bathroom and locked the door behind herself. She settled on the closed toilet seat lid.

 

This wasn’t how it was supposed to be. Rey had hoped for attention and possibly affection. It had been quite a journey for the both of them to get used to the idea of voluntarily holding one another with the both of them too caught up on the fact that they were supposed to be enemies and therefore everything the other despised. However, once she had gotten used to the idea of sharing her space with someone else, it was hard for Rey  _ not  _ to be close to another. Especially to the one she loved the most.

 

Then again, they had spent months away from each other. They would not slip back into their old routines without difficulty. She had learned this before, when they had broken up after a relatively stupid fight - now that she thought about it - and it had taken days before Hux would hold her again and she would allow herself to be held. It had been so long before their last breakup. If she had to guess, they were together for 3 and a half months and were happy for 3. But then…

 

No. She would not think about that night, or how it would have been less painful if he had thrown her out the airlock instead of sticking her in that room. They were happy, and then all of a sudden he turned so cold. Rey shook her head, all that happened before did not matter. They were together now and that’s what mattered. They were on their way to being happy again. All it took was time and patience.

 

With that in mind, Rey stood and washed her hands. She carefully avoided the mirror above the sink as she dried her hands on the black towel hanging from a hook beside it. She knew it would only cause her to hate that she did not have time to clean herself up.

 

“Rey, can you grab that other datapad from my desk?” Hux called from the couch when she returned to the living area.

 

She answered affirmatively, and circled his large bed to get to his desk, which was tucked away in the left corner of the room. As she turned and made her way back to the couch, her eyes caught a door sitting just across his bed. Rey tore her eyes away from the offending object but it was too late. Immediately, the emotions she had worked so hard to suppress came bubbling to the surface. Rey offered Hux the datapad, which he took without looking at her, and fell into the cushions of the couch.

 

“So,” Rey winced as her voice wavered. 

 

“I only have a few more things to do, just a moment.” Hux said.

 

She could practically hear her heart speeding up at his rejection. What had she done to deserve it?  _ He  _ was the one who locked her away! It was his fault that things were difficult between them now! How dare he treat her- Rey stopped herself before she drove herself mad. Instead, she closed her eyes and practiced one of the breathing exercises Kylo had taught her to ground herself in the moment.  _ That was then, this is now. _

 

Rey only opened her eyes when she felt calm once more. Hux was still tapping away on the datapads. She craned her head, but she could decipher nothing as Hux switched between screens too quickly.  “Can’t Mitaka handle this?”

 

He finally looked at her with a raised eyebrow. “He is a trainee, not a personal assistant. If I begin allowing myself to push my responsibilities off to another, then I leave The First Order vulnerable as I am pulling one away from their job just so I can slack off. It’s simply not in my nature to do so.”

 

“It’s only in your nature to run away given the chance.” Rey scoffed, and then paused in shock for the second time that day. The sound of his fingers tapping the datapads ceased, along with her breathing. Once again, her training failed her and she lost her temper. Rey withered in her seat and turned away, too afraid and ashamed to see Hux’s reaction. If she had to guess, Hux was burning right through the side of her face with his green eyes. 

 

Minutes had passed before she heard him clear his throat. “Where did that come from?” Hux asked in that neutral, diplomatic tone he usually reserved for those of a lower rank.

 

Rey cursed herself for allowing her anger to get the best of her  _ once again _ . Even more so during her second meeting with Hux. He was the last person she should’ve been angry at. He  _ did _ just invite her to his quarters after all. Determined not to make matters worse, though,  Rey pushed herself to her feet . “I’ll just come back another time.”

 

Hux sat his datapads onto the couch cushions and followed her frame with his eyes as she began moving towards his door. As she drew closer to leaving him, he found his heart seizing in his chest. With a resigned sigh, Hux called, “Rey, I would like for you to stay.”

 

She turned to face him once again. “And do what? Sit here and watch you work?” 

 

“Of course not.”

 

“Well, you’ve been choosing your work over me from the moment I got here.” 

 

Hux’s lips pressed into a thin line. His eyes began to harden the longer he stared at her, and Rey braced herself for a fight. She knew that look. That was the look of a man ready to defend himself and all that he was. Well, if he wanted to go that route then Rey would not back down.

 

Hux shot to his feet and easily decreased the space between them with wide steps, his mouth poised to spit a retort like he had done so many times before. However, whatever retort Hux had begun to say suddenly died on his tongue when his eyes met hers. He stared at Rey, shoulders squared and mouth agape without a single thought on his mind but  _ her _ . Her freckled skin, her pink lips, her widened hazel eyes, her slight frame and he could not remember for the life of him what he was about to say. The longer he stood in front of her, his mouth opening and closing without a single sound coming from it, the less angry she grew until she was just looking at him in confusion.

 

It took an embarrassing amount of time for Hux to gather himself. He turned away from her while he attempted to register just what had happened. One moment he could not think of anything but the absolute worst he could say to Rey, he had wanted to see her face grow red and her forehead crease as she yelled at him just like she had when they first met. It took just one look into her hazel eyes for it to all change. Hux ran a hand over his slicked hair and turned back to the girl who had the audacity to look baffled after what she had done to him.

 

“Rey,” Hux said in the calmest voice he could muster. “I apologize for ignoring you. Sadly, I still subconsciously put my work above all. It is something I will have to work on.”

 

Rey blanched. 

 

Hux cleared his throat. “Shall we try again?” He looked uncomfortable in his own skin as he gestured to the abandoned couch. 

 

Rey nodded and followed Hux back to the piece of furniture. She settled back into the buttery interior, her mind spinning as it looked for an explanation for the sudden turn of events. What would happen to them now? Her hands twisted the hem of her shirt.

 

“How was your day?” Hux asked.

 

“It was fine.” 

 

Hux made a noise in his throat, clearly not pleased with her response. “What did you do?”

 

“I...well, I meditated.”

 

“Do you feel better now that you’ve meditated?”

 

Rey nodded. “I must not have done it enough.”

 

“Why do you say that?”

 

“I snapped at you.”

 

“That’s alright.”

 

She turned her gaze onto him for the first time since she had sat back down. “But I hurt you.”

 

Hux shook his head as though implying that it did not matter.

 

“That’s not what...lovers do to one another.” Her voice lifted at the word ‘lovers’, and Hux may have smirked if her eyes weren’t filled with confusion.

 

“I believe you did not mean to do it.” 

 

“I didn’t.”

 

“And I believe you.” He assured her gently.

 

Rey nodded and looked away from him once again to collect her thoughts. Hux waited patiently, and noticeably ignored a notification on one of the datapads. A smile rose to Rey’s lips at the gesture though she tried to repress it. 

 

When the smile finally faded, she turned back to Hux and found his gaze easily. He looked rather troubled for a moment, but then it all disappeared and he tried his hand at an encouraging smirk that fell flat before she even began speaking. “I don’t want us to fight anymore. We never know which moment will be our last and I don’t want our last moment together to be of us going at each other’s throats,” Rey disclosed.

 

Hux’s eyebrows rose. “I thought you enjoyed our arguments.”

 

“I do, but I don’t think  _ you  _ do anymore.”

 

Hux sighed. “I don’t.”

 

Rey wanted to ask why, but he answered the question before she could muster the courage to ask it.

 

“There was a time when all I wanted was to get a reaction out of you, whether it be a word or a twist of the lips. I impatiently awaited the next time you would stop pretending that you were a model Resistance fighter and be who you are.”

 

“Who I am?”

 

“You are a rather choleric person, and rightfully so. You have a lot to be angry about. However, you would sit in your cell in mock meditation for hours and pretend that it was not bothering you that The Resistance had left you to rot in your enemy’s care.” Hux noticed her suppressing a wince and knew that he had gone too far. He digressed to his original point. “Something has changed. I no longer yearn for that kind of relationship. The incessant arguing over the measly things, the small moments of happiness before we find something else to disagree on, ending our relationship just to start it again over and over...I have enough stress and conflict in my life due to my career choice.”

 

Rey nodded. “I understand.”

 

“We are intelligent people.” Hux continued confidently. “I am positive we can find a better way to voice our frustrations with one another without it ending in an argument.” 

 

This time, Rey allowed herself time to mull over his words before she spoke. She could understand exactly why he felt the need to have this conversation. Their relationship certainly hadn’t been perfect, and with the time apart, they’ve both had time to realize and reflect on it. She, herself, had become rather violent without a proper relief from the stressful events she had endured. While Akena provided her a comforting place of relief, she could not make her feel the same way Hux did. However, there was a single thought lurking in the back of her mind. Rey did not feel as though she could properly be a safe place for him and his thoughts if she could not manage her own. “What if we don’t find a better way?”

 

When Hux provided an answer, he didn’t seem satisfied with it.  “I would have a difficult decision to make.”

 

“Tell me.” Rey demanded, barely managing to keep the aggression out of her voice.

 

“I don’t know how I could ever go back to the days I didn’t think of you. It would be difficult-”

 

“But you could manage if it came to it.” 

 

Hux shook his head. “I’m not so sure. I have grown while navigating this journey with you. I can not regress to the man I used to be and sleep well at night. I can end the lives of billions and leave the miniscule of guilt I feel behind once I enter my quarters, but it is difficult for me to do the same to you.” He paused to lick his lips, and Rey could not help but smile when the tips of his ears turned a light pink. “Whether we are together or not, I think of you. I make decisions based on what is best for you. I use my status to ensure your safety, I risk losing valuable resources just for you. I truly... _ care _ about you.”

 

“I wouldn’t be able to stop thinking about you either.” Rey said despite the disappointment blooming in her stomach. He had been  _ so  _ close to saying it. She knew what he meant when he said ‘care’, but all she still wanted was to hear him say what he  _ truly _ meant.

 

“Did you think of me while you were away?” Hux inquired in a shy, lowered voice she had rarely heard him use.

 

“I didn’t make it out of the hangar before you crossed my mind. I was so angry you weren’t there. But I was also relieved. I don’t know what I would’ve done - if I would have been able to step foot on that ship or listen to Kylo’s commands - if you were there.”

 

“That was the first time you were in a place where I could not reach you.” Hux mused with a smirk on his lips, but there was a thread of melancholy in his voice that told her that the separation was not easy for him.

 

Rey hummed, the relaxed conversation allowing her to sink into the cushions of the couch with a smile still on her face. “I missed you.”

 

“I did not sleep until you were back on  _ The Finalizer _ . I have full control of the ship. I know the moment we’re in danger, I know how to navigate it, how to activate the weapons needed to defend us, I know where every single control on this ship is and how to access it, I know everything there is to know about  _ The Finalizer _ . Here, there is not a single doubt in my mind that I can protect you. I didn’t feel the same when you were with them. I am aware that they are capable of protecting you, even more so than I can, but-” Hux stopped and seemed to draw into himself. 

 

“But you couldn’t be sure.”

 

“I need to be sure that you will be protected no matter the cost.”

 

Rey finally did what she longed to, and reached for him. Hux took her hand in his without a moment’s hesitation. “I’ll be fine. The Knights are the best Force users - the best warriors - there are. They kept me safe during Chrona, and I have no doubt that they will do the same on every other mission we have.”

 

“It is good to know you have faith in them.”

 

“You don’t?” Rey inquired with a raise of the eyebrow.

 

“No. Their bond is stronger with one another than it is with anyone else, including you. If they had to make a decision between one of their own and you, I don’t doubt for a moment that they would choose their own. _The_ _Finalizer_ is the only place I feel you will be completely protected.”

 

“You shouldn’t waste your resources on me,” Rey said. Her heart swelled at his fierce devotion to her safety, to _her_.

 

He squeezed her hand. “I know. That will not stop me.”

 

Rey resisted the urge to hide her face as another smile bloomed on her lips.  “I know.”

 

Their conversation drifted to idle chat and reminiscing on times past. In the middle of listening to Hux speak about _The_ _Finalizer_ , Rey noticed a change in Hux’s demeanor. He looked at her through half lidded eyes and his words rolled off of his tongue with a tiredness she knew so well. Unable to stop herself, Rey lifted her free hand and brushed her fingertips against Hux’s cheek, startling him from his ramble about ventral cannons. His green eyes were now wide, and staring at her in shock.

 

“You’re falling asleep on me.” Rey mused.

 

Hux relaxed into her touch. “I apologize,” He murmured.

 

She shook her head despite his eyes being closed. “No, it’s okay. I’m tired too, and sticky. I need a hot shower.”

 

Hux stifled a yawn. “You can use mine. I’m sure there are few garments in my possession that will fit you.”

 

Rey mulled over the idea. If she were to step out of the refresher and see Hux lying in bed with his datapad and reading glasses perched on his nose or him fast asleep, she was sure she would crawl into bed and curl up right beside him. With everything being so new between them once again, Rey wasn’t sure if sleeping in the same bed with him would be moving too fast. 

 

If Hux was disappointed in her decision at all, she could not tell due to his constant blinking and nodding off. Rey pressed a gentle kiss to his cheek and made sure Hux made it to his bed before she left his quarters for her own. She was positive she left a piece of her heart with him, but their days of sleeping together once again would come soon. 

 

Rey barely registered the numbers she entered on her keypad, but knew they were correct when the door to her quarters slid open. She stepped inside and threw her gym bag onto her bed with the intent of hopping into the refresher and retiring for the night when suddenly-

 

“Ow!”

 

What was that?! Rey jumped and reached for her lightsaber only to find that she was not wearing her holsters. She scrambled for the light switch when another groan came from the direction of her bed. Akena emerged from under her gym bag and covers, rubbing her head with a pout on her lips. 

 

Rey slumped against the closed door and pressed a hand to her heart. “Kriffin’-Akena! I could have killed you!”

 

Akena rested her hands on her hips and huffed. “And you could have died! Why didn’t you feel for a signature?”

 

_ I feel safe here,  _ Rey thought, but could not find it in herself to voice the truth. Instead, she mimicked Akena’s pose and said, “It’s late! I trained all day, and I lost some of my brothers to Maker knows where.”

 

“I’ve been waiting for like  _ 2 hours _ !”

 

Rey’s arms fell to her side.  _ Uh-oh. _ “I was just walking around.” She attempted to sound casual, but she could tell immediately that Akena did not buy it.

 

“Mhm,” Akena said with a playful roll of her brown eyes. “Anyways, I was in my quarters and figured you’d be lonely so I thought I’d come keep you company.”

 

“You figured  _ I’d  _ be lonely?” Rey asked with a raise of the eyebrows.

 

Akena nodded. “Now hurry up and shower. I brought holomovies!” Akena opened a fist and displayed several data chips to Rey.

 

“No snacks?”

 

“I ordered a food droid an hour ago, but you weren’t here! So I ate it all. But, I can call one again?” 

 

Rey smiled and nodded. And if they ended up falling asleep two hours into their ‘marathon’ and accidentally smearing food all over her sheets, Rey would not complain. 


	12. Growth

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! I promise that I'm not trying to go back to updating once a month but I've had a challenging past few weeks that's kept me from perfecting this chapter. There's also NaNoWriMo that I'm ridiculously behind on (oops). I hope you guys stick it out with me because you have my word that I will NOT abandon this story. This is a story that's helped me with my growth as a writer and I just can't leave it unfinished. Anyways! I'm so happy I'm finally able to share this chapter. I hope you all like it and have a good month :D 
> 
> As always, thank you to my out of this world beta Starshine-galaxy who never gives up on this story or me even though it's been almost 9 months since she began helping me with this mess xD

The next morning, Rey awoke to Akena stuffing her face with leftover delicacies and snickering to a romantic comedy. Akena looked over her shoulder at Rey and smiled.

 

“It took you long enough. Pauel said ‘hi’.”

 

Rey moved her unruly hair out of her eyes. “He called?”

 

“Technically. It was through our bond.”

 

“Force bond?”

 

Akena nodded. “I always tell them ‘good morning’ and ‘good night’ when they are away. That way, I know that they’re okay.”

 

Rey hummed as she laid her head back onto her pillow. As far as she knew, she had no responsibilities for the day so sleeping in a _little_ later did not seem so bad.

 

Akena’s voice broke the silence of the room just as Rey had begun to fall back asleep. “Keir told me he tried to reach you, but there was a block.”

 

“Block?” Rey muttered sleepily.

 

“I think you’ve gotten too used to Master Kylo. We, the other Knights, tend to keep our bonds open to one another. It brings inner peace knowing when your family is safe and when they are in danger.”

 

That caught her attention. Rey forced herself into a sitting position and rubbed her tired eyes. “Can you hear each other’s thoughts?”

 

Akena paused the movie, turned to face Rey, and tucked her legs beneath her. “Think of it as a horizontal scale: the bottom being the lowest level of connectivity and the top being the highest. We hover just under the midway point so we can locate each other easily, sense when someone is upset or in trouble, and contact each other quickly. Our presence lurks in the back of each other’s mind, like a second thought. That midway point acts as threshold or boundary. We can not go past it without permission from the person or a large amount of power and force.”

 

“You’ve had to do it before?”

 

“Yes. Once. And I-”

 

“To a Knight?” Rey pressed.

 

Akena did not meet her gaze head on this time. Rey watched her take a deep breath before giving her answer in a short nod. “My point is,” Akena unclenched her jaw, seemingly fighting to pull herself away from a dark memory. “It is your choice to allow the Knights access to your thoughts and such, but it would be beneficial to all of us to know where you are in case of emergency.”

 

Rey considered this as Akena rose to her feet and stretched her arms above her head.

 

“If you choose to, we can work on communicating with our brothers while they’re away. Master Kylo is better at it than I, but I’ll do what I can.”

 

“He talks to them?”

 

“No, but he knows how to.” Akena’s hands dropped to her side. “Now that I have eaten double my weight in snack foods, I think I’ll be on my way to training...after breakfast.”

 

“I’ll be there in a minute,” Rey called to her as Akena collected her holomovie chips and left.

 

The moment the door closed behind her, Rey lunged for her datapad that was stationed on her nightstand. Just before he drifted to sleep the night before, Hux assured her he would tell her if she could see him tonight.

 

Rey pressed the ‘home’ button centered below the screen to wake the device.

 

 _General Hux:_ It has been quite a busy morning. I will update you on the matter later.

 

She sighed and put the datapad back in its place. Yes, she was aware that she was seeing the man who was in charge of The First Order, and she should not be surprised that he had a lot of work to do. That did not stop her disappointment at their current predicament. They had already spent too many days apart.

 

Rey knew that she could say whatever she pleased, as their connection was private _and_ heavily secured, but found herself unable to send just what was on her mind. She settled on not replying at all and instead began dressing for her training session with Akena.

 

Before she left, she begrudgingly snatched the datapad from her nightstand and shoved it in her gym bag.

  


Rey greeted Akena as she turned a corner and found her sister waiting for her. The latter shushed her and gestured to their private training room at the end of the hallway.

 

 _Hide your presence, I want to show you something._ Akena spoke into Rey’s mind.

 

Once she had done it, Akena stuffed a hand into the pocket of her trousers and took out a keycard. Shooing Rey away from the wall she was leaning against, Akena slid it into the space between two wall panels. Rey had begun to contemplate if Akena had gone insane or not when suddenly the crack lit up and then grew into an entrance as the two panels separated.

 

Rey peeked inside and could not see anything beyond what was allowed by a small light just above the entrance.

 

Akena ushered her inside and slid the keycard in the reader beside the entrance. She then grabbed Rey’s arm and led her into the darkness. Rey had no choice but to blindly follow. Eventually, the darkness opened up to a room with lighting that was hardly any better than before.  

 

Rey strained her eyes to take in the sight before her. To her surprise, there was not much to see. She casually ran one of her hands over a plush sofa that occupied the sparsely decorated room before she made it over to a table situated right in front of a thick, drawn curtain. Akena disappeared within the shadows of the room, leaving Rey alone. She began to grow anxious as she sat waiting. To settle herself, Rey reached out into the Force and felt that she was not in danger.

 

Sinking back into the cushion of the chair, Rey closed her eyes and practiced the meditation techniques to counter her growing anxiety. She forced herself to take long, even breaths, focusing on the slow rise and fall of her chest as opposed to her worries. Just as she had started to relax, however, there was a click from her left. Rey jumped up from her seat as she was jolted out of her meditation, her hand pulling her lightsaber from it’s holster.

 

“It’s just me,” Akena assured her as she materialized from the shadows with two glasses in her hand. She handed one to Rey and put her own on the table before settling in her seat.

 

Rey eyed the yellow liquid sloshing around the short glass curiously.

 

“It’s just meiloorun juice,” Akena answered her silent question with a flippant wave of the hand. “That doesn’t matter, just-” She gestured to the curtain.

 

Belatedly, Rey realized that the curtain had been pulled back to reveal an empty training room. The only thing that caught her attention was the black gym bag thrown against a wall on the opposite side of the room. After a few moments of stillness, Rey leaned over the table and whispered, “What are we waiting for?”

 

Akena’s lips curved into a mischievous smirk. “Just continue to hide your presence.”

 

So Rey settled back into her seat and waited, and waited, and continued concealing her presence. Just as she had grown restless and resorted to staring into her drink, she felt someone enter the room. Her head snapped up just as Basha entered her line of vision.

 

Basha’s long, black hair was tied back into a low bun. His training pants were the only thing he wore, unknowingly baring his torso to Rey and Akena. As she expected and had even felt sometimes during training, Basha was not lean, but he was strong like Kylo. He was large and muscular, his body sculpted by years of combat. She naively did not expect him to have many scars and in turn was shocked to see them, some newer-looking than others, littering his torso and arms. The one that drew her attention most, were three long gashes just over his heart. Another noticeable scar being a crude, pink one that wrapped around his left side. Countless smaller scars marred his skin here and there, ranging from knicks to shallow cuts.

 

Looking at them reminded Rey of the lone scar that wrapped around Pauel’s neck, and the one she knew would be on Kylo’s side from Chewbacca’s crossbow.

 

Akena leaned close, pulling Rey from her thoughts. “Did you see that? He never taught me that.”

 

She hadn’t. Rey had been too busy observing the marks on Basha’s body to actually watch _what_ he was doing. Now that she was, Rey knew exactly what Akena meant. The clang of metal as the swords met, retracted, and met once again was almost deafening as Basha engaged in a sword fight with a combat droid. The mock fights he had with the other Knights were nothing compared to the way he moved right then. Basha didn’t seem to hop or jump like many fighters, no, he seemed to sway and slide, moving languidly but with force, with _passion_.

 

Basha laid waste to the droid in under a minute. He had taken off it’s free hand and a leg already as it hopped on the remaining one, wildly swinging its sword without purchase. There was no compassion in Basha’s form as he advanced on the weakened droid and took off its other hand with one stroke of his sword and slashed its last leg clean off with another.

 

Rey didn’t notice the way she had tensed until she felt the material of the chair’s arm rip under her fingernails. She promptly released it but did not dare take her eyes off of her former Master for a second.

 

He stood over the droid, an emotion she could not decipher swirling in his eyes. Rey wanted to read his mind, where she knew some sort of storm was raging but knew it was in her best interest not to. Suddenly, Basha brought the sword down into the body of the droid and left it twitching and sparking as he turned to retrieve his gym bag. A small cleaning droid rolled in and quickly swept the pieces into a corner.

 

“He’s incredible, isn’t he?” Akena whispered, her voice coated in wonder.

 

Rey could only nod, her attention now caught on the black hilt he held in his hand. Basha pressed the activation switch and a red stream shot and flickered from the hilt, bathing his face and torso in a glow of red light. Another combat droid snuck up behind him in an attempt of a sneak attack. He turned and decapitated it in one fell swoop, effectively ending the battle before it began.

 

Basha then examined the weapon, turning it this way and that before he powered it off, stuck it to a holder on his hip, and started towards the supply closet.

 

Suddenly the datapad buzzed in Rey’s gym bag, startling her. She grumbled a curse and fished it out, wincing as the bright light from the screen shined in her eyes.

 

 _General Hux:_ It will be a busy night.

 

Rey sighed. Of course, it would be.

 

Akena peeked over the table as she sipped on her drink. “Ugh, General Hux. What does he want?”

 

“Meeting about Chrona.” Rey lied as she turned the datapad off and stuffed it back into her gym bag.

 

“I wrote a 3-page report on it. What else could that man want?” Akena scoffed. “He’s so anal about everything. I’m sorry about pushing him off on you, but I couldn’t take it anymore. I mean, of course, I’ll still take care of reports and everything since you haven’t been trained on it, but meetings? That’s all you.”

 

Rey only offered her a smile that was lost to the darkness of the room.

 

“I don’t even want to think about that man right now.” Shaking her head, Akena rose to her feet. “Come on. I think we’ve been watching long enough.”

Akena burst into the training room. “Basha Ren!”

 

They found him stretched out on the floor with a sword in his lap. Sometime in between the seconds it had taken Rey and Akena to leave the hidden room and walk down the hallway, Basha had thrown on his usual long-sleeved black shirt. He looked up at the pair with a smirk that relieved the tension from his stern face.

 

Rey smiled as she settled on the ground next to him and was promptly pulled to his side in a rather sweaty, one-armed hug. Basha pressed a kiss onto the crown of her head before allowing her to move away.

 

“I am tired brother.” Akena sighed and collapsed onto the ground by his feet. Basha carefully sat the sword aside and leaned back onto his palms. His brown eyes darted between the two of them before he said,

 

“Are you getting enough rest at night?”

 

“I’m holding a conversation with you, aren’t I?” Akena retorted with a smirk.

 

Basha smiled and pressed a finger into the crook of her neck where he knew she was ticklish. He turned his attention onto Rey only when Akena squirmed out of arm's reach. “And you? Are you sleeping well?”

 

“Akena kept me up half the night.”

 

Akena sat up. “Rey!”

 

“Sorry!”

 

“You will be!” Akena made to lunge at Rey, but Basha caught her by the waist just before she made contact.

 

“Save your energy for practice, sister.” Basha tsked with a shake of the head.

 

“No!” Akena pushed Basha away with the Force and continued on her pursuit for Rey, who squealed and tried to crawl away. Akena caught Rey’s ankle and wrapped her body around her leg, preventing Rey from escaping.

 

Basha recovered and began prying Akena off of Rey’s leg. At some point in their screaming match, he was successful, and soon after, he was being wrestled to the ground by the both of them. Rey had never heard him laugh before, and she never expected to be the cause of his red-faced, rumbling laughter, but she was sure she wouldn’t trade that moment for anything.

 

The merriment was interrupted, however, when someone cleared their throat.

 

Rey looked over her shoulder at the door and all the joy instantly drained from her face as she  scrambled off of Basha’s chest. She shot to her feet, her heart lodged in her throat.  


She recognized the man from several places: the bridge, the mess hall, the hallways of _The Finalizer_ , the medbay, and Hux’s datapad.

 

 _“This is Dolpheld Mitaka,”_ Rey remembered Hux had told her once as he handed her a datapad. She looked at the two photos, one of his face and another full body. He was a rather tiny thing. Rey noticed he lacked the scowl most officers wore in their pictures in an attempt to look tough. Instead, he wore more of an irritated smirk, much like Hux’s.

 

The man in the doorway wore that same smirk...and face...and body.

 

Akena gathered her bearings before anyone else and shot to her feet as she stormed towards the Lieutenant and barked, “This is a private training room! You have no right to be here.”

 

Mitaka did not look shaken in the least. He looked over Akena’s head to speak directly to Basha. “I was given clearance by General Hux in order to retrieve your informant who was absent from an emergency meeting over an hour ago.” When he spoke, Rey was sure Hux would come out of a hiding place at any second for they sounded exactly the same: bored and straight to the point.

 

Of course, it was just her luck that Hux had sent him and he had found her splayed out on another man.

 

Rey nodded. “Just let me grab my bag and I will meet with him.”

 

“He has instructed me to bring you to him.”

 

Akena crossed her arms over her chest as she gave Mitaka a once over. “So what? He can’t come down here and talk to her?”

 

“Akena,” Basha warned.

 

The girl huffed but relented by returning to his side.

 

“It’ll be quick, I’m sure,” Rey tried to muster a smile, but she couldn’t find the strength. Instead, she brushed against Akena’s presence with the promise that she will return soon.

 

Rey fiddled with the straps of her gym bag as she followed Mitaka through the _Finalizer_ , feeling as though she was being led to a certain death. It was painfully quiet save for the dull thuds of their footsteps. Mitaka walked in practiced strides, his head held high, shoulders pushed back, and arms swinging purposely by his side. There was a datapad in one of his gloved fists, undoubtedly holding a copy of Hux’s itinerary and a direct line of contact to him.

 

Rey knew they had arrived on the bridge when she noticed a sudden drop in temperature. Inferior officers donned their standard coats as they worked, some stationed at their assigned places and others flitting about with their noses in datapads. Hux was reading information off of a holo display when she finally spotted him. He straightened a moment later to call out an order that was followed by an affirmative response. Her breath caught in her throat at the sight of the satisfaction that momentarily filled his face. If there was one thing Rey was sure she would never tire of, it was seeing Hux when he was patrolling the bridge. She hadn’t realized she’d stopped in the entrance of the bridge until Mitaka cleared his throat and gained her attention. He had turned to face her and was watching her with thinly veiled curiosity in his eyes. Rey ducked her head as she felt her cheeks warming and quickly caught up to him as he approached Hux.

 

“Sir,” Mitaka said.

 

Hux turned away from the display and nodded at Mitaka once, who returned the gesture and stepped away. For the infinite time since they’d met, Rey cursed Hux’s ability to keep his gaze impassive.

 

She nodded once as he acknowledged her, sure that her eyes were the size of saucers while she took him in. “General.”

 

Hux stepped in front of her, leaving just enough room between them that would be deemed appropriate. His eyes ran over her figure followed a once over of her face. She noticed his eyes lowering a moment before he opened his mouth.

 

“Lieutenant Mitaka?”

 

“Sir,” Mitaka scuttled to his side like BB-8 to Poe.

 

Rey’s eyes dropped to the floor at the thought. She shouldn’t still be having thoughts about them. The traitors...

 

“I trust that you will be able to man the bridge while I hold a brief meeting with Lady Ren,” Hux said.

 

Rey could feel Mitaka’s excitement even through his composed stature. Out of her peripheral vision, she saw him nod and stand a bit taller.

 

“Good.” Hux dismissed the man with the word.

 

“Lady Ren.” She lifted her head and caught his eyes. Hux gave her an empty look before he passed her. Rey had no other choice but to follow him. Just like Mitaka, he remained silent on their journey. Any attempt she made to start a conversation was ended with a simple glance in her direction.  Only when the door closed behind them did she audibly breathe. She placed her gym bag by his door.

 

Hux had ventured to his desk and was now leaned on it. His boots crossed over one another, his gloved fingers squeezing the edge of his desk. Though he seemed dispassionate, his body was still full of tension. He looked as though he was suppressing the urge to fidget, drum his fingers, or run his hand through his hair as he often did when uncomfortable or frustrated. Something had gone wrong. Terribly wrong.

 

Rey approached him slowly, her heart pounding in her ears.

 

“Where were you?” The stress coating Hux’s voice stopped her in her tracks.

 

“I was training.”

 

She noticed his fingers tightening their grip on his desk. “I called you over a dozen times. Where was your datapad?”

 

Rey jabbed a thumb over her shoulder. “In my bag. I didn’t hear it ring.”

 

His jaw ticked. “Is it on?”

 

“Of course.”

 

Hux raised his chin just so. His green eyes held a glint of distrust as he let the silence between them drag on until Rey began to shift her weight to her other foot. Finally, he said, “Show me.”

 

Rey sighed and retreated to her bag. She pushed aside a sweatshirt and pulled her datapad from the depths of her bag. Rey brought it to Hux, dropping it screen-side down into his outstretched hand.

 

Hux turned it over and tapped the screen several times. When it did not wake, his eyebrow raised. He lifted the datapad for her to see. “It has been powered off.”

 

“I didn’t do it. I swear I-” Rey stopped as she briefly remembered holding the power button in the dark room longer than normal. The action would power down the datapad. She covered her face with her hands as she felt herself growing red with embarrassment. “I completely forgot. I did turn it off.”

 

Hux sighed. “I specifically instructed you to leave it on and at a volume that you would be able to hear in case of emergency.”

 

Rey dropped her hands and sighed. “I know, and I’m sorry. It won’t happen again.”

 

“That is all I ask.” Hux pushed off the desk and Rey’s head shot up at the sound of him drawing near. When she caught his gaze, she was shocked to find that his eyes were void of any negative emotions as she had been expecting. One of Hux’s arms then circled her waist and pulled her into his chest. Rey didn’t hesitate to move as close as she could to him, she pressed her cheek to his chest and reveled in the feeling of his warmth around her.

 

“Did I really miss a meeting?” Her words were muffled and she bit her cheek twice, but he understood her just fine.

 

“Yes.”

 

“Good news or bad news?”

 

Rey felt one of his hands begin to run over her hair before he answered. “For the time being, it is news that can wait.”

 

“Really?” She answered in surprise.

 

Hux hummed a ‘yes’. “For another minute or so.”

 

Rey tucked her head under his chin and closed her eyes, her senses overtaken by the heat of his body and the crisp, airy-fresh scent of the standard First Order soap as she allowed herself to melt into his embrace. It felt as though the universe and all time itself had stopped just for them in that moment, and there were no responsibilities to pull them apart.

 

For a while, there is nothing but a peace she only feels when she is with him. Rey couldn’t hear anything except for the steady beating of his heart and his calm, even breathing, but then they both stutter as he takes a deep breath and she is pulled back to reality. Rey braces herself for the worst.

 

“The droid found something.”

 

Rey lifted her head from his chest to look at him. “What do you mean?”

 

Hux’s fingers stroked her cheeks as he cupped them and pressed a kiss to her forehead. “The prisoner that was brought in from Chrona did not lie about the Resistance’s construction plant.” His lips brushed against her skin as he spoke and it took all of Rey’s willpower to suppress the shiver that tingled along her spine. “The acquisition of this planet will be a large advantage for The First Order.”

 

“But,” Rey began.

 

Hux sighed as his hands fell to her waist. “I have discussed the matter with our Supreme Leader and he has given me approval to move ahead with the invasion. However, it needs to happen almost immediately so as not to give The Resistance time to relocate.”

 

Rey frowned. “You will be busy.”

 

“ _We_ will. Per your job description, you are responsible for attending meetings alongside Kylo Ren. That also means you will be working alongside myself to help with preparations.” Rey’s lips lifted just a bit. “I- we - must do what is best for The First Order, and your safety. Which is why there will be an organized attack comprising of several quadrants of stormtroopers and TIE Fighters sent out _before_ the Knights of Ren enter the atmosphere of Enarc.”

 

Rey shook her head. No, he can’t keep doing this to her. “You don’t have to protect me. You just said The First Order’s resources are limited and-”

 

“I can, and I will.” Hux declared. “All I ask is that you allow me to.”

 

Rey willed herself to smile despite the ire boiling in the pit of her stomach. “You’re asking a lot of me.”

 

Hux smirked. “I believe you can handle it.”

 

Rey nodded and dropped her head back to his chest as she thought. Though she could understand just why Hux chose to protect her the way he did, she had felt….well...infantilized. Rey had wanted to redeem herself after her breakdown following the mission on Chrona. Though the other Knights did not seem to mind, it is the one thing keeping her from becoming an official Knight of Ren. She wanted that title, she wanted to prove her loyalty to the First Order and her family. The family that refused to leave her behind or allow her to wallow in self-pity when she failed them. She had to make them proud, but how could she when Hux planned to leave them scraps to pick through? Rey chewed on her bottom lip for a moment before tilting her head to look at him and jumped as she felt his lips brush against hers. Rey’s eyes met Hux’s. His lips raised in a subtle smirk before he dropped his head to press his lips flush against hers.

 

Rey’s worries fell from her mind as she raised onto her toes to wrap her arms around his neck.  She felt as though he stole her breath, but she could not bare to pull away even for a moment. She poked his bottom lip with her tongue and Hux shocked her by grabbing a fistful of her brown hair as he parted his lips.

 

She could not help the soft gasp that escaped from her mouth at that. Her hands fell to the collar of his uniform, desperately searching for the hidden zipper that was keeping her away from him. Hux began to pull away, and she chased him.

 

“Rey.” He murmured between her feverish kisses and but she was persistent. It wasn’t until he pulled away that she finally relented with a dejected sigh.

 

He released the grip he had on her brown tresses and cleared his throat. Hux ran a hand through his own hair as they separated to give each other a moment to compose themselves.

 

“Do you remember how it was before?” Hux asked.

 

The hand that had previously been running through her brown hair stalled. Without turning to face him, she said,“Yes.” How could she forget? The emptiness of her cell, the way her hands wouldn’t stop shaking when she knew he was due for a visit, the war that always started in the pit of her stomach when she thought of The Resistance, not being able to stop herself from pressing her lips to his the moment the cell door closed behind him...that was her life for nearly a year. Then, it all changed.  “Why did you let me leave the cell?”

 

“I wanted you close to me.” He drew her to him once again as if to demonstrate his point.

 

“I thought it was because you wanted to make sure I wouldn’t leave.”

 

Hux smirked. “If I didn’t want you to escape, I would have kept you in your high-security cell. You could have fled any time you wanted.”

 

“You gave me ample time to. How did you know I wouldn’t?”

 

“I was _hoping_ you wouldn’t. I am grateful that you did not.” He corrected.

 

“Because you would have had to kill me.” Rey assumed, and Hux really wished she hadn’t.

 

He took a moment to construct an answer. Rey’s hands began toying with the hem of her shirt as the silence persisted. She looked rather troubled, scared, even. Hux wished to assure her that her execution would not have happened, but he would be lying. The last thing he wanted to do was lie to her. So, he gave her an abridged version of the truth. “I don’t know what I would have done. I can not say I would not have.”

 

Rey’s only response was a nod of the head.

 

Hux sighed once he realized that the playful atmosphere of the room had dissolved and all that was left was a question he knew Rey wouldn’t ask. He had two options: He could leave before things became unbearable, or he could continue on and hope for the best. Hux ran a hand through his hair again before he could stop himself.

 

“4 years ago, I had only just begun to feel what I do now. I had never cared for another the way I had you. I can admit that these feelings clouded my judgment more than they do now. I chose to allow you out of your cell because I was intrigued by you. You wanted me, but you were also devoted to The Resistance. You did not seem ashamed of your attraction to me, and for many months, I suspected that you were pretending.”

 

Rey hated when he left her on thoughts that were half finished. It meant he was waiting, waiting for her to understand. She stared into his eyes for an answer she knew he would never voice. He offered little help, but she knew the moment it all clicked.

 

“It was a test.” She gasped.

 

“Correct.” Hux nodded. “If you escaped, it would have been due to my own foolish judgment and I would have accepted the consequences no matter the degree. I _do_ know that I would have made your recapture a first priority.”

 

“You wouldn’t have let me go?”

 

“You would have made of fool of me and I do not take failure lightly. When you take into consideration the status of my feelings towards you, there is no telling just what I would have done to have you in my possession once more.” Hux did not know he had edged closer to Rey until she took his hand following his pause. He took a deep breath and gently squeezed her hand before pressing on. “I thought of you leaving every day and contemplated the steps I would have taken to have you again. It is a bit extreme considering our relationship was little more than sexual encounters then, but I had begun to feel that you were mine and no one else's.”

 

Rey’s thumb brushed the back of his hand, sending shockwaves through his body. “Do you not feel the same way now?”

 

“Well, if you were to leave, I would have to think of you as an enemy. Any grieving would be done in private.”

 

“How could you hold yourself together all that time?” Rey’s voice held a softness that Hux hadn’t been anticipating. It made him hesitate to say anything else.

 

He wasn’t sure just what would happen. “Heartbreak isn’t a valid excuse for not doing one’s job. Behind closed doors, it would, truly. On the bridge and anywhere else, no one would know. As they shouldn’t.”

 

He paused a moment to collect his thoughts. “It is important to me that my personal life remains personal. No one should know of our relationship lest The Resistance attempts another rescue and succeed. No one should know what I have to lose.”

 

“For them to save me, I would have to voluntarily go with them, which I never will. I am yours, I am with the First Order, and that won’t change. You can’t leave me for 6 years and pretend like you care.” Rey spat, shaking her head. “I won’t go back, I won’t leave you.”

 

Overtaken by emotion at her confession, Hux lurched forward and pulled her into a kiss. It was so different than before, full of passion and promises for a united future. Rey felt a dampness under her lashes as she found herself crying and groaned against Hux’s lips, who then broke away.

 

“I hate crying. I just can’t stop.”

 

“You have gone through so much,” Hux assured her as he brushed a tear away. “Everyone’s entitled to one good cry every once and awhile.”

 

“How long did it take for you to learn that one?” Rey sniffed.

 

Hux was brought back to the moment after she left his quarters with tears in her eyes because she just could not understand why he insisted on pushing her away. He remembers the countless moments he spent bent in two as he tried to calm himself down until he lost the battle. He had tried to sit on his bed when he found it was not working and he could not breathe and everything _ached_. He remembers gasping for air as tears rolled down his face for the first time in years, he remembers trying to stand and collapsing on his knees and sobbing into the floor. He remembers waking up with sticky cheeks and his knees to his chest on his bedroom floor, feeling utterly defeated. Still, he felt better. Better than he could possibly feel at the lowest point of his barren love life.

 

He rubbed her arms and forced a smirk. “It is time I return to the bridge. We are preparing for an attack.”

 

“Akena and Basha are waiting for me.” Rey smiled as she remembered her promise to her sister.  “Will I be able to see you tonight?”

 

“Hopefully,” Hux answered vaguely, his eyes focused on a spot just over her shoulder while his mind continued to wander.


End file.
